The Wrong Pronoun
by Midoriri
Summary: Title From Tora Yakari, THANK YOU!...GIR orders a machine from a CatOLog, and gets turned into a human. Not so original, right? Well, let's just say...GIR isn't what we all thought he was...Eventual ZimGir
1. Chapter 1

**GAAAH! I'm so stupid! I haven't seen IZ in SUCH a long time, so I KNOW these guys'll be OOC, but darnit, this was bugging the HECK outta me! I couldn't take it anymore! I'm putting this baby up! I also apologize for the not-so-original plot device, but I based it off a drawing on my DA account. Also, as it says in the summary, if you want romance, let me know, and I'll make it a romance story as well. Oh, well, I guess I'll start. DON'T KILL ME!**

Zim was trying to ignore the stupid little robot. Trying. It was, apparently, a pointless task. No one could ignore the GIR unit for long. Maybe it was the high-pitched voice. But more than likely, it was the fact that GIR was currently on the Irken's head.

"GIR! Get off my head!"

The tiny little robot didn't obey, rather he pounded an itty-bitty "fist" on his master's head. "Mastah's head is big! Big like Dib-guy's! Why is yar head so beeeg! WHY?"

"Never compare my head to Dib-human's!" screamed the alien. He lifted tow claws and removed the hyper GIR unit, tossing him aside. GIR just giggled maniacally. "Mastah mad!" he screamed, running in a circle.

Zim groaned and rubbed his eyes. A few years had passed since the exile, and he had grown taller, of course. The idea surprised him and GIR was just delighted to have a "Mountain-Mastah!" He was currently going to some odd place that everyone called "High Skool" where the children were taller, had different physical features, and were interested ins something called "hooking up." He had never really gotten the idea right. Whenever he asked a computer about it, he got some very…interesting…pictures. Very interesting indeed. But for the most part, he was the same, just about 5 foot 5, and had a little more knowledge of Earth. Other than that, he was the same. The same couldn't be said for GIR, his robot.

GIR had no idea what his name stood for, abut didn't let that bother him. He was overly hyper, and still rolled on the floor, ate tacos, and loved the "Scary Monkey Show." Why that show was still on, Zim had no idea.

And speaking of Zim, he was currently trying to figure out what the Hell _this_ thing was supposed to do. GIR had gotten a hold of something called a "Cat-O-Log" a few months ago and kept on ordering things that Zim had idea what they did. He liked to find out sometimes, though, even though his guesses were often waaaaaay off (the time he thought the lipstick was paint for labeling houses comes to mind). He couldn't for the life of him figure out what this particular thing was for. The label said that it would only work once every few months, and it was shaped like an egg. The thing was made of metal. Blue metal, and there was a glass "windshield" on the upper side of it. There was also a plug outlet, and two buttons on the side, one red, and one blue. There was only one instruction: Place in and push the button.

There was only one thing going through Zim's mind: "What the hell does this thing do!"

"GIR!" he snapped. "Do you have any idea what it does?"  
"I doooonn'ttt knooooow…" laughed GIR.  
"You don't know…and yet you ordered it?"

"Yup! It looked like a monkey egg!" shrieked the robot.

Zim tried not to strangle the robot. He closed his eyes and counted to ten, first in Earth language, then in French (which he had learned in another class, but thought was pointless. He only knew it because GIR kept chanting the words from the book). "Okay," he said, after awhile. He turned back to the strange instructions, making a mental note to shred GIR's Cat-O-Log. "Okay, if I don't get this thing to do SOMETHING in ten minutes, I'm grabbing my Mister Hammer that GIR ordered yesterday…"

GIR opened his head and pulled out a cupcake, licking his little robotic lips. "Mmm-mm!" he squeaked. He reached over with one hand and pulled the puppy disguise over his head, only letting it cover the head area. "Mastah! Wanna cupcake!"  
Zim hissed at the robot.

"Okies!" GIR opened his mouth wide and swallowed the cupcake whole, smacking his lips messily and loudly. He then looked toward the machine, still smacking, and walked toward the little opening, not noticing as it slammed shut behind him.

Zim screamed, throwing the manual into the air and ripping it to pieces as it came down, stuffing them into his mouth, not realizing he had done what another alien, this one from a Disney movie, had done. "This…stupid…thing!" he roared, kicking it with his foot. "I…will…bring…your…DOOM!" He finally lost it and punched the side, accidentally hitting a red button.

**ZIM-STORY PAGE-BREAK!**

GIR heard the loud sound of the fist on the side of the metal egg. Master was mad. Hopefully not too mad. When he got mad enough, he unplugged the television and didn't let GIR watch "Scary Monkey."

Suddenly, the egg began to fill up with some strange red smoke. GIR's blue eyes widened slightly as it completely covered him and he felt his body growing. "Eep!" he squeaked as he fell over backward, hitting the floor.

**ZIM-STORY PAGE-BREAK!**

"Well, it works!" Zim cried, seeing a stray tendril of smoke come through the cracks. "GIR! Come and observe your master's genius!"

There was not even a squeak.

"GIR? GIR, you are missing the DOOM!" he yelled.

Nothing.

Just then the egg burst open, letting out all the smoke. And there was something in the middle of it all.

The smoke cleared and allowed Zim to see what it was. A girl. A human girl. And…she looked vaguely familiar.

The girl lay on her back, a stupid smile on her unconscious face. She was clad in a silver tank-top that exposed her stomach, and a silver skirt that flared out and reached just above her knees. Silver boots that reached just _below_ her knees were on her feet. There were two sleeve-puff things on her arms, colored blue. She had silvery hair that fell down to her shoulders, and peeked out from underneath her hat. Her hat looked like the upper half of the head to the puppy disguise GIR had. And there were two large silver disks as he earrings.

Zim suddenly knew why the girl seemed familiar. At the same time, he realized that GIR had been going by the WRONG pronoun…

"OH…MY….GOOOOOODDD!"

**Hehe heh heh…GIR's a female…I'm gonna like this…now to see more IZ somehow…**

**As I said, romance if you want it, but if you don't, say so, and if you do, say so! HAHA! And please, review and be nice. No flaming!**


	2. Chapter 2

Zim was trying to control his breathing as he stared in horror at the comatose girl. This wasn't happening, this wasn't happening, this COULD NOT BE HAPPENING!...

What to do? What to do? Zim looked around frantically. "GIR?" he called, still in a state of denial. "GIR, get out here! Something even worse than the Hi Skool food is!"

There was no answer at all. Zim looked down at the girl again, thinking that nay minute, he would have a heart he even have one?

"The Tallest!" he cried. The Tallest would know what to do! He was sure of it! When had they ever betrayed him?

He grabbed the still-sleeping girl by her shoulders and dragged her toward the screen where he could contact the Tallest. She snorted, rolled over a little, and muttered something about "taco man!"

Zim reached the screen, dropped the girl roughly ("Ooch!" she mumbled.) and frantically contacted his Almighty Tallest. "Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease…" he murmured frantically.

The Tallests Red and Purple were suddenly seen onscreen…playing Go Fish. Red looked up and sighed in exasperation. "Oh, _great…_" he muttered, throwing down his cards. "It's Zim-hey, no peeking!" Purple dropped the other Tallest's cards in hurry. "Sorry," he muttered.

Red turned back to Zim. "What do you want?" he asked. "Make it quick, okay, we have a game…"

"This is more important than any game with cardboard!" shrieked Zim. He lifted the girl from her place on the floor and practically shoved her sleeping face into the screen. "LOOK!"

Tallests Red and Purple stared at the girl's face, dried drool and all, and exchanged a glance. "Um, Zim," said Purple. "It looks more like you've spent too much time in the red light district."

"I was nowhere near an area with glowing red lights!" Zim yelled. "This is awful! The SIRs are turning into human idiots!"

Red glanced at his partner for a moment. 1 "Zim, nothing like that is happening. At all…"

"Maybe not now," panted Zim. "But it will! Mark my words, it will!"

"Zim…"

"I'm telling you, this is one of the five signs of the Almighty Shortest!" 2

Red suddenly clutched his chest and pulled back. "YAAAH! GRAAAAHHH! YAG! AGH! Whoooo!"

"You okay, man?" asked Purple.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine….man I hate that phrase!" wheezed Red, massaging his chest.

Zim lowered the girl. "So, will you do something?" he asked worriedly.

Red glared at him, still angry and sore for the Shortest remark. "Zim, there is nothing wrong, at all! Now I suggest you hang up right now, and don't contact us…please!"

"But you have to do something!"

"Zim…"

"I'm telling you-"

"Zim!"

"This is one-"

"Zim, shut up!"

"Of the five signs-"  
"ZIM SHUT IT!"

"The Almighty-"

"NOOO!" The Tallests leaned forward and hastily disconnected contact.

Zim stared at the blank screen. "Hm. They must be doing something to stop this horrible thing."

**PBPBPB**

Both leaned back in their chairs and sighed. "Whew," said Purple. "That was close…"

"Yeah, I'll say…" mumbled Red.

The door suddenly opened and a poor unfortunate Irken walked in. "Hey, did I hear something about the Shortest in here?"

Red yelped and clutched his chest. "Don't…say…that…" he growled.

"What, Almighty Shortest?"

"YAAAH!"

**PBPBPB**

The girl suddenly moved. Zim jumped back, yelping. _Dear Irk…_

The girl's eyes shot open and she sat up in an instant, blushing happily and a big smile on her face…a familiar smile…

Zim found his voice. "G-GIR?" he asked.

The girl turned around and continued to smile. "Mastah!"

Yep, it was GIR….

"Is it really you in there, GIR?" he asked worriedly.

GIR smiled and nodded. "I love mah tacos, and mah job, and mah mastah, and the Scarreh Monkey!"

Zim had only one option in a time like this.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

**PBPBPB**

Zim paced back and forth in the main room, trying not to look at the now human-ized Gir, who was sitting on the couch, happily swinging her feet and watching a stupid-looking movie. But every now and then, he glanced over, hoping that Gir would be normal now…well, normal for Gir. She never was….

He figured that by Earth standards, she could be adorable….only by Earth standards though! On Irk, she'd be a hideous pariah…

"Oh, what am I going to _do?_" he moaned, hands on his head.

Gir laughed. "Mastah looks funny…" she said.

"Shut up!"

What _could_he do? He couldn't leave her at home, she could do more damage as a human now…and anyway, he had heard some weird things about what happened when people saw a teenage girl (a cute one by Earth standards) at a house by herself. What could he do?

"Okay…" he sighed, facing her. "I hate to say this…Gir, you have to come to Hi Skool with me…"

"BANZAI!"

**PBPBPB**

Zim walked toward the Hi Skool, giving Gir some guidelines. "Okay, rule number one: You don't talk to me."

"Okay!"

"Two: Don't say we live together…"

"Okay!"

"…Gir, you don't really know what I'm saying, do you?"

"Yeah I do! Wait…nope!"

Zim sighed. "Oh….just…don't follow me, okay?"

"Okay!"

Zim only noticed how quiet it was when he finally arrived. He turned around and saw….nobody. "DAMNIT, Gir!" he yelled.

**PBPBPB**

"You walk BESIDE me, okay?"

"Okay!"

**Okay, that's all I wanna type so far. But right now, I really need to know if there should be some romance! I kinda have a coupling in mind (ZimGir don't shoot me!)**

**Because the story takes two different directions, depending on what you want, so please let me know. If you don't want romance, updates'll be longer to take, because I have most of the story if there is romance already, so….**

**1 Partner: Lord that could be taken in so many ways. LOL**

**2 Almighty Shortest! My brother helps me with the comedy, sometimes, and we were trying to create an Irken equivalent to the Apocalypse. We decided on the Shortest…Hope you laughed as much as we did!**


	3. Chapter 3

Gir was walking with Zim toward the Hi Skool. Normally, this wouldn't be SO much of a problem, Gir walked next to him all the time when he was still…well…GIR. But this time, Gir was a human-sack female, and felt the compelling need to wave "Hi!" to everybody. That and Gir was attracting all sorts of looks from the males on the campus…

"Hey, master, that guy's dropped all his books, I should go help!"

"No, Gir…"  
"Hey, what's that girl doin' to dah guy!?"

"None of our business, Gir…"

"Ooh, whazzat?!"

"Some guy trying to open a locker…"

"Eeeh! What's that!?"

"I don't know…" As you can probably tell, Zim was struggling to hold on to his last shred of sanity.

And meanwhile….

A boy in a black trench coat was following Zim closely…watching him through scrutinizing eyes, a weird alien-detection device in his hand…and yet he posed little to no threat o the green alien. His name was Dib, and he had been trying to expose Zim since they were younger, when they went to just…Skool. All his attempts had been unsuccessful, however, but he still persisted.

"Gaz? Come in, Gaz…" he said into a wrist-communicator. There was no answer on the other end. "Hello? Gaz, can you hear me?! Oh, God they've taken you too, haven't they?! Don't worry, they'll never get away with it, they'll never-!"

"Talk to me again, and you will pay…" came an angry voice on the other end. Then there was static. Dib stared at the communicator for a moment before pocketing it.

"Okay, she doesn't wanna hear it…" He then noticed the girl following Zim and tugging his sleeve. From his perspective, Zim was attempting a kidnap. (A/N Oh the poor, oblivious fool….)

"Hey, Space-Boy!" yelled Dib, taking off down the hallway, knocking several kids out of his way. "Let go of her!" he yelled in an attempt to be heroic. Zim had JUST turned around when Dib's fist met his jaw, knocking him down. He rubbed the sore spot. "Jeez, what was that for?" he asked. "I was just being normal…"

"Liar," accused Dib, pointing at Zim. "You were attempting to take the girl away for experiments! I know it!"

"You're crazy!" yelled a random student.

The girl suddenly jumped in front of Dib, lifting her hand to wave. "Hi, Dib-human!" she yelled in a high-pitched voice.

Dib stared at the girl in horror and shock. That voice….was so….familiar….

"G-GIR?" he squeaked.

Zim had finally gotten to his feet. "No! It's not GIR, this is…a family friend, Gir!"

Dib stared at Zim. It was one of the many times he did not make sense. "Okay, _what_ is the difference?"

"IF I had a robot, it's name would be GIR in all capitals, but this is my…acquaintance, Gir…only the "G" is capitalized, you see?"

"That's just dumb…" said Dib, shaking his head.

"Dumb like a hamster!"

"Hamsters, yay!" shouted Gir, hands in the air.

"You shut up!"

**BPBP**

"Class, we have anew student with us this year," said their teacher in a monotone voice that will never be heard here again. "Her name is Gir, and she is a friend of Zim's. Gir chose this moment to wave at Zim, who put his face in his hands in groaned. "Now, Gir, is there anything you wish to tell the class?

Gir smiled. "Zim's mah master," she stated, causing the guys's jaws to drop and their minds to fill with all sorts of strange images.

Zim wanted to die…

**BPBP**

"Okay, what happened?!" demanded Dib, slamming down right across from Zim and Gir. It was currently feeding-time, as the students called it, and Zim was still not eating any of his food. Of course, nobody but Dib noticed…Gir seemed to enjoy the food, however.

"What do you mean, what happened?" asked Zim, eyes shifting as he tried to play innocent. "Nothing is happened. Nope, nothing wrong, nothing unusual."

"You might as well cut the garbage, Zim. I already know about you and your robot, and I know that THAT," he said, pointing to Gir, "is your robot, in girl-form! SO tell me what happened, and how the hell your robot turned from a male to a female!"

"FIRST of all!" hissed Zim. "Nothing happened to make my robot order a Cat-O-Log and get a machine to turn him into a human worm by accident, and SECOND, I swear, on the names of the Almighty Tallest-"

**BPBP**

Purple shuddered and looked at his partner, Red. "You get the feeling someone is swearing on our names?"  
**BPBP**

"That my robot was male, is male, and always will be male-"

**BPBP**

"And is horribly, horribly wrong?"

**BPBP**

"And that this is just a feminine guy in drag!"

**BPBP**

"REALLY wrong?"

**BPBP**

Dib stared at him. "Yeah," he said unconvinced. "Suuuurrre…."

**BPBP**

Purple and Red stared at each other for a brief moment. "Nah!"

**BPBP**

Dib and Zim looked around nervously. "You get the feeling we just switched from scene to scene, right there?" asked Zim.

"Really? It wasn't just me this time…" Dib thought aloud.

Zim got back on track. "Anyway," he yelled, attracting the attention of everyone in the cafeteria. "My friend Gir" he continued, practically spitting out 'friend' "will be going now! Gir!"

Gir hopped up, her mouth smeared with government food. "Yes, my master!"

A guy at a nearby table shot Zim a dirty look.

"We're leaving this room!"

"Okay!"

Zim turned and goose-stepped away, suddenly stopping as he realized Gir hadn't followed him. "Gir, come on!" he yelled.

Gir smiled that infuriating smile that Zim had come to loathe. "Not until you dance with meeee…." she sang.

Whiel the guys complained that Zim got all the luck, Zim REALLY wished his PAK would explode or something…


	4. Chapter 4

**_Okay, I'm back with another chapter full of random Human Gir! I really like this story so far. Human Gir is REALLY fun to write.  
But, I have a little problem. See, I have another story idea, for Invader Zim, and...well, I really don't feel like telling you in here. If anyone really wants to know, they can just go ahead and PM me. I'm warning everyone, it's kinda messed up.  
But oh well. Moving on to the story..._**

"So, how again did your robot get like this"  
"I don't know, okay?!" snapped Zim. It was bad enough he had to walk home with the meat-bag human following him, and even worse that he guessed what was going on, but now Gir, idiot that he/she was, was clinging onto Dib-worm's back like a child being given a piggy-back ride. "And Gir! Get off the human! you'll catch a disease"  
"No I won't," said Gir, blithely. She instead started hitting Dib's head as if she was playing the bongos. "Your head echoes!" she announced gleefully.  
"GIR! STOP IT!" "I don't mind, really," said Dib. "It's kind of soothing"  
"Dib likes mah playing"  
"He does not!" Zim grabbed Gir's arm and tried to pull her off. "Now get off"  
"I don't wanna..." Gir held on tighter.  
"Obey your master"  
"Nuh-uh"  
Through this, Dib was suffering a little less than quietly. "Ow! hey, come on, you two, but it out-OW! Gir, let go of my hair! Zim, get her off, but don't pull so ha-AAAH!" Gir was still clutching his hair, and she was pulled off so hard, Dib thought he felt some strands of hair escape his scalp in a bid for freedom. "OWWWW"  
Gir let go. "Dib hurt!" she shrieked. Zim went tumbling backwards, landing flat on his back, accidentally taking Gir with him so she landed on his stomach. "Oof"  
Gir got up and walked until she was in front of Dib. "Dib okay?" she asked, looking at his head. "Hey, some of his hair is gone!" she observed.  
"Gir, ignore the human boy's lack of hair!" commanded Zim, grabbing the ex-robot by the arm and dragging her off, in the direction of the Earth-base. "Now come on"  
"Awww..." Gir whimpered sadly. "I like the Dib-boy..."

**PBPBPBPB**

"I'm home!" Dib tossed his bag onto the floor next to the front door. "Gaz! I've got something to tell you! I mean, tell you before I send it to 'Mysterious Mysteries!' You know GIR, Zim's creepy robot? Yeah, well-" Dib was cut short as a couch cushion flew at him and smacked his face. "I'm busy, don't talk to me!" Gaz hissed, holding up her GS2. Gaz's attitude really hadn't changed much in the past several years, and not much had her appearance either. Her hair was longer, a little bit, reaching below her shoulders by a centimeter (some idiot had measured it, before getting a hospital trip) and her bangs were held back by a skull barrette. She wore an outfit similar to what she wore in Skool (just plain Skool, rather than Hi Skool). Very similar, actually...same top and pants, except for being in different sizes...also, she now wore a choker around her neck, with a silver plus sign in the center. "Be quiet..." she growled, hunching over and returning to her game. "It's a secret level"  
"Oh, well, I'll tell you anyway," Dib said, lifting one finger in the air as he pulled away the couch cushion. "You know that insane little robot that Zim has with him all the time? Well, it's human now. Something happened so now it's a human. Gir's going to our Hi Skool now"  
"Haven't seen him," Gaz said, dead-panning.  
"Well, there's a reason why you wouldn't see HIM," said Dib, stressing the word 'him.' "Because, as it turns out...Gir's a girl"  
"Yeah, I thought that could be the case," Gaz said calmly. "Now go away"  
Sometimes, Dib wondered just how much his sister knew anyway...nothing about Zim ever seemed to surprise her...

**PBPBPBPBPBP**

Gir sat on the couch, swinging her legs, watching the movement with awe. She often sat like this a robot, back when she was made of metal. But now she looked different, no, she FELT different...she was taller, she knew that, but...She leaned forward and poked her knee, giggling when she felt it was soft. She was a human, and for some reason, it made her happy. She could go outside without wearing her puppy costume, she could help her master observe the other human-worms-oh... She slumped back, dejected, which was unlike her. She was a human meat-worm, and master hated those... "Oh well," she said, quickly brightening up. Maybe after a few hours, he wouldn't mind HER meat-worm status.  
"GIR! Get in here!" Zim called from the lab under the house. "I want you in here, right now, so we can reverse this"  
Gir sighed. So much for that plan...

**PBPBPBPBPBP**

"In here," Zim said, pointing a claw toward a tube. Gir looked into it. "What is it!?" she asked loudly. "Did ya just build it, Mastah"  
"Yes," Zim said, somewhat smugly. "It was no problem, with my I"  
"Did ya eat the manual for that too?!" asked Gir, now in front of his face. "I wanna eat the manual now"  
"I did not eat a manual!" Zim yelled. "Well," he said, a little quieter. "Maybe not THIS one...BUT I DIDN'T NEED A MANUAL FOR THIS"  
"I understaaaaaaannd..." Gir smiled.  
"Gir..." Zim pointed again. "Get in there"  
"Okie-dokie!" Gir walked inside the red tube. It appeared to be made of red glass, and had a funny domed top. It was also connected to the computer of the house. Zim pushed a button and the door closed behind her. Gir laughed. "Gir, turn around." Zim's voice came from a little box near the top. Gir looked at it. "Master, are you in there?!" she gasped.  
"Gir, I'm out here and you know it! Now turn around"  
Gir obeyed, waving at Zim from inside the tube. "HI"  
Zim groaned, shaking his head and closing his eyes, before pushing a few more buttons. A red glow shaped like a rod appeared near the top of the tube and slowly glided down, scanning Gir's new body and feeding the image to a screen. Gir laughed as it washed over her, lifting her arms up and following it with her eyes. It went to the floor and moved to the other side, before moving upwards now. Gir laughed again. "Look, I'm a cereal box!" she laughed. Zim shook his head again.  
The glowing rod vanished and Zim hit a few more buttons. The door in the tube opened. "You can come out, now, Gir"  
Gir was at her master's side in a second. "Hey, look, it's me!" she screamed, pointing to the screen in front of them. The screen was all black, expect for an image of Gir's new form. Seconds later, little green notes appeared, some connected to a part of the picture, some more like little footnotes. Gir didn't read Irken, so she had no idea what they said. Apparently, Zim did. (He had to, or he would have been illiterate on his planet...) He read quickly, occasionally muttering an Irken profanity, before screaming his rage at the computer screen and nearly punching it (Gir moved it aside). "Damn!" he muttered, pounding a fist on the control panel.  
"What?" asked Gir, in a rare moment of blue-eyes seriousness. Actually, since she was human, she couldn't go into serious mode like she could as a robot. "What's the matta"  
"The 'matta' is, Gir," growled Zim, not making eye contact. "You can't go back to being a robot for about a month"  
"Why not?" Gir had to act hard to pretend to be concerned about this. As far as she was concerned, she could stay this way.  
"Because of your DNA, cell-structure, things like that, it's all too advanced for you to understand"  
"Uh-huh..." Gir prompted.  
"When you went into that machine you ordered, it changed you, as you can clearly see. If you can't, you're an idiot AND you're blind," he muttered. "Anyway, it changed you, and, to explain it to one with the intelligent of a brain-damaged smeet, your new structure is highly resistant, since it's a new development. Eventually, it will wear down somewhat, enough to turn you back to your old self"  
"If I get turned back to a robot, can I still be human"  
"Why do you care?!" snapped Zim.  
Gir only blinked at him, hugging her toy pig to her side for comfort.  
Zim sighed. "Yes..." he groaned, trying to get rid of his headache by rubbing his head. "Your old physical structure is okay, so you can change from it anytime...BUT THAT WON'T HAPPEN AND WE HAVE TO BE CAREFUL!" he suddenly yelled. Gir barely flinched. "If we don't get a machine to turn you back in time, and if you're a human for much longer after a month, than you can NEVER go back!" He flinched and groaned, rubbing his temples. "Oww..." he muttered. "Stupid headache," he grumbled. "Too much...waaaaaayy too much...of this stupid problem..." He suddenly felt something move over his claws and gently touch his temples. His eyes popped open. Gir was right behind him, gently moving her fingers in circles in an attempt to help him relieve his headache. Zim lowered his hands, letting Gir try. "Feel betta?" she asked. Zim slowly nodded once before coming to his senses. "QUIT TOUCHING ME!" he yelled, standing up suddenly. Gir squeaked and grabbed her pig. "Get outta here"  
"Okay!" Gir zipped out, moving straight to the upper part of the base. Zim sat down. "Geez..." he muttered, hand to his head. He then noticed something.  
His headache was gone.

**PBPBPBPBPBP**

Gir was curled up on the couch, hugging the piggy to her chest, wide-eyed. "That was really weird..." was all she had to say about that.

_**Ummm...wow, okay, I tried to come up with a plausible reason why Gir can't go back to being GIR for awhile...um...did it work? Does it sound like it makes sense? I hope so. LOL**_


	5. Chapter 5

"And now we see the Sad Monkey, upset because he is not as popular as the Scary Monkey…"

Gir laughed, swinging her booted feet, watching a documentary on other monkey shows. "Still not as good as the Scary Monkey," she giggled, hugging her toy pig. "Nothing's good as Scary Monkey."

_"Gir, someone is at the door."_

Gir looked up, her expression with the curiosity of a child. "Why don't you tell master that?" she asked.

_"Because he is in a bad mood at the moment," _replied the computer. _"I don't want to mess with him right now."_

"Gir!" a girl's voice rang out. "Let us in!"  
"Gaz-human!" cried Gir, bounding to the door, and opening it wide to hug the girl. "Gaz-human!" she cried again.

Gaz regarded her with her golden eyes. "Hm…Dib was right. You _are_ a human now…"

Gir nodded, pulling away and hugging her again. "I think I like hugging better when I'm like this," Gir stated. "I'm soft!" she laughed.

"Yes you are, in more ways than one," said Gaz simply, eyeing her up and down. "Tell stupid Zim that we're coming back later, and he better be prepared." Gaz simply turned and walked away.

Gir stared blankly after her, confused. "Where're you going?" she called.

"I'm gonna get some things for you!" Gaz replied.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Gaz stood in her room, throwing some garment sin to a bag, not even glancing at them long enough to determine size, or color. Dib watched from the doorway. "What are you doing?" he asked nervously.

Gaz closed her little knapsack, throwing to over her shoulder and grabbing Dib by his arm. "We're going to Zim's."

"Why?!"

Gaz looked at her brother coldly before walking on. "I think Gir needs some things is all."

Dib suddenly knew exactly what Gaz had put into the bag…

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Gaz knocked on the door, face resolute. After a moment's pause, it was opened by Zim, glaring in his disguise. "Dib-worm!" he cried. "Gaz-human," he said simply.

"How come you're mean to me, but you can be civil to her?" muttered Dib.

"Master thinks Gaz in cool!" chirped Gir.

"Gir!" cried Zim, pushing a laughing Gir aside. He directed his attention to the two humans at the door. "What do you guys want?!"

Gaz held up her bag. "I brought some things for Gir. Things that save both you guys a lot of grief, believe me," she said as she pushed her way inside. Gir tore open the bag as Gaz removed it.

"Whoa!" cried Gir. "Funny little thingies!" she said as she tried to take one out. Gaz gripped her wrist. "Not out here!" she commanded. She glared at the boy and the alien boy as she pushed Gir out. "Which way is a bathroom?" she asked.

Zim, dumbfounded, pointed one direction, and Gaz followed it. "C'mon, Gir."

"What're we doin'?"

"Something boys don't need to know."

Gaz slammed a door shut and there was silence for a few moments. Then Zim heard them talking.

Gaz was telling Gir "Your shirt is light silver, so no black for you…"

"Why not?"

"Gir, the black will show right through! You need a flesh-colored one."

Dib chuckled at the sight of Zim's face when both boys realized what was going on. Zim probably didn't know much about bras on his own planet, but they had been around high-school girls' conversations, and both had had to pass health Ed…

"Interesting images you're getting, huh Zim?" Dib asked smugly.

"What-no!" protested Zim, face flushing a funny red color (Dib didn't even know Irkens _could_ blush…)

Gaz opened the door about second later. "She's done," she said simply. Gir followed her, fidgeting with something under her top. "This is weird…" she laughed.

Gaz took her bag and gave Zim another cold look. "You don't look at it, got it?" she asked. "Gir, you need another, you come to me."

"Okay, Gaz-human!" chirped Gir, waving goodbye.

Dib smiled and patted the ex-robot on the head. "See you in Skool, Gir," he said, smiling at her.

Gir smiled and nodded. "Okay!"

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Dib and Gaz walked home. Dib laughed a little. "You should have seen Zim's face. He was so freaked out…"

Gaz nodded. "M-hm…" She suddenly looked at Dib. "You like her?"

"Wha-?' Dib turned slightly pink. "No…she's cute and all, but I think she's like a friend of mine…It's _Zim_ who might like her, I think…" he added with a chuckle.

Gaz only nodded. "It's possible," was all she said.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Zim was staring at Gir oddly. "Gir, what are you doing?" he asked.

Gir was hopping from foot to foot, smiling widely. "I wanna go to Skool!" she said. "I wanna go to Skool! I wanna see Gaz and Dib-boy!" she laughed as she jumped onto the couch.

"Gir! Stop right now!" Zim yelled.

"I don't wanna!" laughed Gir, but sat down promptly. "Scary Monkey marathon…" she said in awe, eyes glued to screen.

Zim gave her an odd look and retreated to his lab.

Gir watched him leave. "Master, where's you going?' she called.

"I'm going to look at that machine of yours…" Zim muttered.

Gir waved good-bye. "Okay, see you…" she called, returning her attention to a diarrhea commercial.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Zim sat at the foot of the machine Gir had used. "Okay," he muttered, finally deciphering the technical text at the bottom. "You change something into another, takes about month or so to reboot, and change it back, but changing back is easy for it, so it doesn't _need_ a reboot…" Zim growled in frustration. "If the Tallest would have _listened_ when I warned them about the Almighty Shortest approaching…" he muttered.

He stood up, angrily kicking the machine. "I'm stuck with my robot slave being a human meat-puppet!" he complained. "You better reboot soon, you stupid machine!"

"Master!" Gir cried as she glomped him from behind. "Hi!" she said simply, placing her cheek to his.

"Gir, what are you doing?!" demanded Zim. "Why aren't you watching your stupid monkey program?"

"Well, as it turns out, the marathon started a few hours ago, so it just ended." Gir smiled.

Zim groaned. _Of course it did…_

"Hey Master, do you like my new body?"

"What?!"

Gir was on his back now, like a child being given a piggy-back ride. "Do you like my new body? I do!" Her expression, though still cheerful, was slightly serious. "I like it a lot!"

"I don't!" growled Zim, watching Gir's face fall in sadness. "You were a bit easier to hand le as a robot for one thing, and I could alter your behavior…" Zim shuddered, however, at the memory of Gir nearly killing him. "But now…you're a complete pain!"

"Yay!" cried Gir, hugging him. "I'm a pain!"

"That's not-Oh, forget it!" Zim said, giving up and slumping to the floor, Gir still clinging to him. "Now get off me! Go watch more TV or something!"

"'Kay!" Gir gave his neck a squeeze before hopping up and running out the door, singing a little song. "He's mah best friend, best of all best friends, do you have a best friend too?! " She hummed a few bars as she left, and then bellowed "Do you have a best friend too!?!"

Zim didn't answer, not even when Gir poked her head back in and said, still smiling, "Master, I'm askin' you."

**Okay, that chap could have been a lot better, but I'm tired and I have finals going on right now that my grades (and freedom and computer time) depend on. And it's time for bed, so I'm getting' shut-eye. G'night…**


	6. Chapter 6

Gir walked alongside her master, still pulling uncomfortably at the strange contraption beneath her top. "Gaz-human says I gotta wear this, so I can't take it off," she said, oblivious to her master's slight discomfort.

"Yeah, yeah…never piss off Gaz," muttered Zim. "Gir, just don't touch that thing during class, okay?"

"Why not?" She was still pulling.

"Um…it's bad! It's very bad, and evil!"

"I understaaaannd…" Gir smiled, letting her hand drop. They walked in silence for a few minutes until she said "It itches."

"Tell Dib-worm to complain to his sister, then," groaned Zim. "And don't announce that it itches, or anything like that, okay?"

"Why not?"

"Just…oh, forget I said anything!"

"Forget what?"

Zim gave the girl a glare. "Okay, you're doing it on purpose now, aren't you?"

Gir's only response was to giggle behind her hand. "Master's funny," she said.

"Oh, shut up…"

**PBPBPBPBPBP**

At Skool, Gir made a beeline to Gaz. "Gaz!" she cried, flinging herself onto the human girl's back. "I'm so happy to see ya! And Dib-human!" she continued, throwing a free arm around Dib's neck.

"Yeah…nice to see you too, Gir," said Dib, slightly uncomfortable.

Gaz was perfectly quiet. So quiet, it was scary. But all she said was "Gir, get off of me."

"Okie-dokey!" Gir said as she slid off like butter and returned to her master. "Hi, master! I'm back!"

"You couldn't _keep_ her!?" cried Zim to his "enemy" as they walked to class. Dib shrugged half-apologetically.

**PBPBPBPBPBP**

Gir stared at the blackboard during class, trying to figure out the meaning behind the numbers, but to no avail. She lifted her hand into the air, like Zim had told her to. "Hey- teacher-person! I don't get it!"

The teacher, reading a newspaper, only pointed to a little poster above the board. "If you do not understand, ask the people around you, for somebody has to have a good answer."

Gir chewed on her pencil tip and leaned across her desk to the person in front of her. "Hey, big person!" she whispered.

A foot-ball player twisted around in his seat to stare at Gir though squinty eyes. "What…?"

Gir pointed to her worksheet. "What's the answer to this?"

"156," said the jock, randomly naming the first number that came into his head.

"Oh, thanks!" said Gir, actually writing it down.

"Welcome, cutie," said the guy, turning ask around.

Dib sighed and leaned across his own desk. "It's not that," he whispered. "It's 7 to the fifth power."

"Oh." Gir scribbled down "Seven to the fifth power." She looked up at the Dib-human. "SO are there two answers?"

Dib shook his head. "N-no, there's only one. That guy lied to you, or he was just a really stupid ape."

"Like Scary Monkey?"

"Yeah, kinda," said Dib, settling back in his seat.

The jock didn't hear a word…

Later he twisted around in his seat to look at Gir better. "Hey, cute girl…what lunch do you have?" he whispered.

Gir looked up. "Hi!" she whispered loudly, waving her hand energetically. The jock stared at her like she was insane (which she probably was).

"O…kay…what lunch do you have?"

"Same as master's," Gir said, pointing right next to her.

The jock saw she was pointing to the funny green kid, not doing anything but balancing a pencil on his lower lip, and giving little side glares to either her, Dib, or the jock, it was hard to tell which.

"Well, what does he have?"

"I dunno."

The girl was cute, but not much was between her ears, the jock decided. "Well, I'll look for you." He turned around in his seat again and hunched over a problem.

Gir sat there, confused. "But I'm right here," she whispered, poking him with her pencil. Her very, very _sharp_ pencil.

"OWW!" the jock cried, stiffening. "Oh, geez!"

"Quiet down everybody," the teacher muttered.

**PBPBPBPBPBP**

Gir was next to Zim again, this time in the lunch room. Zim was shaking his head. "Gir, I told you not to make eye contact with the stupid gorilla-like humans!" he was scolding.

"He seemed okay," Gir said. "He's a dummy monkey!"

"Yes…yes, he is," said Zim, dead-panning. He pointed to an empty seat at a table. "You sit down; I'll get some human filth that they call a meal…"

"Aww…can I go?" asked Gir.

"No!" Zim snapped, leaving.

Gir sighed and put her head on her chin. "Okay…" she groaned.

"Hey cutie, I found you."

Gir looked up as she turned around. "Monkey-guy!" she chirped. "Nice ta see ya!"

The jock stared at her. "Monkey-guy?!" he asked. Shaking his head, he sat down next to her. "Forget that. Listen, you like to party?"

Gir sat there. "A party?!" she said.

"Yeah, a party. You like 'em?"

"I love parties!"

The foot-ball player smiled. "Great……I happen to be having one in a few weeks…you wanna come?"

Gir smiled and nodded. "Yeah! I wanna go!"

"Well, great!" smiled the jock insincerely. "Great, my buddies and their girls will love to have ya…"

"Yay!" Gir cried. She was so happy…invited to a party! She loved parties. Always did and always would.

"Yeah, yay," the guy said. "Hey," he whispered, leaning close, eyes sparkling. "How about we seal it with a kiss?"

Gir's expression was a mix of blank and happy. But of course, happy was normal for her. "What's a kiss?"

"What's a kiss!? You're that cute and you don't know!?" He laughed a little and leaned forward. "Well, a kiss is like this…"

KA-BAM! A tray of food suddenly smacked into the back of his head. "Ow!"

Zim stood right behind him, eyes blazing, an aura of anger radiating from his body. "What are you doing at our table?"

"Nothin'! Jeesh!" The football-player stood up and started to leave. "I'm leavin', I'm leavin'!" He stopped to look back at Gir. "I'll get ya an invite later, okay?"

Gir waved bye. "Okay!"

Zim sat down, placing Gir's food in front of her. "Who was that?"

"I dunno!" Gir said, her mouth full of food already as she was shoveling it down.

**For those of you who thought that was clue to something that would happen later….it was.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Okay, before you begin, I want to warn you right now that poor Gir will get kinda...bullied…in a bad way…just warning you ahead of time, so you won't be all shocked and mad at me, and come after me with mallets and shovels and nooses, and- ::goes on like that until she collapses::**

Gir stared at her master, crouched down so only the upper half of her head could be seen above the table. This earned her some suspicious looks from several students, but she paid them no mind. Zim didn't seem to care, as if it happened every day (and knowing Gir, it probably did at some point…). "Master," she whispered.

"What…?"

"Hi…" the girl giggled, blue-green eyes closing.

Over at another table, a few girls were glaring at her with disgust. "Seriously, this is too weird," said one. "She's so stupid!"

"Yeah. And who does she think she is with those fake-looking silver clothes? She's not from frickin' _space._"

"_Totally…_and she's stealing the guys!" whined a girl. Technically, Gir wasn't stealing any guys, but since she had arrived at the Skool, a lot of boys seemed to watch her with interest, like a dog would eye a bone his master dangled above his nose. The oddest part was, according to some, that she didn't even seem to acknowledge the boys, only to smile and wave at them every now and then, yelling an enthusiastic "Hi!" This made her extremely unpopular with the females of the group, who firmly believed Gir to be leading them on.

Gir had no idea of any of this, the poor kid, and kept smiling at the girls just as often as she did the boys, oblivious of the evil eyes she was getting.

And she happened to wave at the very girls talking about her, three tables away. "Hi!" she said.

The girls glared even worse, and turned their backs. Gir lowered her hand, blinking in shock, and turned to Zim (not eating, as usual). "Hey, Master, are humans s'posed to say "Hi" back at you?"

"By their _human_ unwritten code, I guess…" said Zim, glaring at the food on his tray, like her always did while picking at it. "Oh, Irk, I can't wait for this horrible half-hour to _end,_" he muttered.

"So how come those girls don't?" asked Gir, pointing. "None of the girly humans ever say 'Hi' back to me, only the manly-men humans."

Zim only grunted. "Don't think about it. You'll stop saying 'Hi' in about a month or so anyway, who knows?"

Gir looked away, staring at the girls at the table.

"She's looking at us."

"I can see that, moron."

"She's probably planning on taking our boyfriends, or something."

"You mean like she stole Dib and that freaky green kid? She can _have_ those two..."

"Ugh, _tell _me about it."

"What'cha doing…?" came a cold voice.

All three girls jumped a foot as they looked up into the icy face of Gaz. "Oh, hey, Gaz…" one said nervously.

"We were just discussing the-uh…"

"A super-model!" one supplied.

"Hn. You think Gir is a super-model. How nice of you." Gaz was not buying it, obviously…

The girls seemed to wilt on the spot. "Er…"

One girl seemed to pluck up courage, or pluck up stupidity…"Oh, come on, Gaz! You've got to be interested in a guy or something, and Gir's taking them away from us!"

Gaz glanced Gir's way. "Oh, is she? Hey, Gir!" she called to her. Gir looked up from doodling on the table using ketchup as ink and a straw as a pen. "Are you stealing the boys!?" Gaz yelled.

"Nope!" replied Gir without missing a beat, returning to her pictures. "Hee, look Master, it's me!" she laughed, pointing.

"She says she's not," Gaz dead-panned. "Any other accusations you want to make?"

The girl who had spoken up earlier tried again. "Gaz, she's not gonna _admit_ it! And she _is_ taking them away…and what's with the 'Master' thing?"

Gaz only stared coldly at the girl. The temperature seemed to drop drastically, and the girls winced. The first girl looked away quickly.

"Don't…" Gaz said slowly and deliberately. "Let me hear you talking like that about her again…"

With those parting words, she walked toward the table Gir was at, and thumped down next to her. "Hey, Gir."

"Gazzie!" Gir threw her arms around Gaz's neck in a bear-hug.

Gaz's eye twitched. _Gazzie?! **Gazzie?!**_

****The girls surveyed the scene for a moment before turning away. "Great," one muttered. "Now she's trying to attract the _girls_, too…"

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Dib entered the cafeteria just then, glancing around for his sister. He finally caught sight of her and walked over, casting a curious eye at the three girls nearby, whispering furiously to one another. "Hey, Gaz. Zim. Gir."

"Dib-human!" Gir practically launched herself across the table, arms around Dib's neck. "Hiiieee!"

Dib's face turned blue. "Geroff me…" he wheezed.

Zim glanced up. "No, Gir, squeeze tighter."

"Okay!"

"No!" Dib cried, glaring daggers at Zim.

Gir chose to release Dib before clinging to Zim in what could only be described as a "monkey-hug," much to Zim's disdain. "Gir, let go…"

"But I figured that if I hugged those two, you might get jealous and sad, and want a hug too. So I hugged!" she laughed, refusing to let go.

Dib snickered into his food. Zim growled. "Gir, come on, let _go!_"

Gir obeyed. "I saw a couple girls touch their mouths to the guy's cheek or his mouth when they hugged them, but I don't wanna do that yet-"

Dib and Gaz choked. Zim looked horrified. "Did you just say _yet?!"_

Gir's eyes shifted around. "No…" she said quietly. "Dib, can I have your cookies?"

"Eat them," he said, tossing them to her. "They're not even edible, though…"

"They're not what?" asked Gir through a mouthful of crumbs.

"Never mind…" He shook his head. "Hey, listen, Gir, have you ever been to a mall?"

"People getting their limbs torn off?"

"Don't I wish…" muttered Zim.

"No…it's a big shop with all sorts of different stores and stuff-"

"Oh, yeah!" Gir said suddenly. "That's where a man in red was when Zim wanted to be Santa!"

"_DO NOT_ remind me of that, Gir!" snapped Zim. "The memory was almost completely gone, too…thanks a lot…"

"Welcome."

Dib ignored the alien, for once in his life. (**A/N** The apocalypse!) "Listen, I want you to come with me and Gaz to the mall after Skool's over."

"Why do _I_ have to go!? There's no new Game Slaves, or new cartridges for it, and the arcade games suck!"

"Oh, come on, Gaz!" Dib pleaded. "For one hour! That's it! You can eat at the Bloaty's they have…"

Gaz only growled.

"Can Master come too?" asked Gir.

"I refuse," said Zim simply.

Gaz reached over in a swift movement and grabbed him by the collar, his face an inch from hers. "I have to suffer…" she growled. "So. Do. You." With those words, she released him and he fell back, rubbing his neck where his collar had gotten him. "Okay, okay…"

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

The girls stared, listening to the whole exchange. "Now she's going on a date!" one cried in dismay. "Sure, it's with either the green kid, or Dib-"

"Or Gaz."

"Yeah. But once she has one, she'll get the other guys! The good ones!"

One girl leaned in. "I got an idea to stop her," she said. "Listen carefully…"

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Gir walked outside along the wall of the building. She had chosen to walk the long way around the building, rather than just go the short route to the door. "I wanna see the whole outside of the Skool!" she had said to Zim, who had shaken his head impatiently.

"Gir, you're going to be the death of me someday, I know it. Or maybe I'm already in Hell!" he suddenly exclaimed. "Irkens don't believe in Hell, but I must be in it!"

Gir has left him on his own to rant. And now she was rounding a corner. A few more and she would be at the place where Gaz, Dib and Zim would be…her master might be in mental torture by now, being stuck with Dib…and then later. He hated malls, especially after the zombie incident…

"Hey, Gir."

Gir stopped, staring at the three girls in front of her. Each one was next to another, completely blocking the path. "How ya doing?" the leader asked, smirking.

Gir smiled cheerfully. "I'm okay!" she said. "I'm gonna go to the mall with my friends!" She tried to walk around the girls, but one grabbed her by the arm.

"Are you sure it's not a _date?_" one girl sneered.

Gir's smile faded. "Noo…I'm pretty sure we're just doin' stuff."

"Doin' stuff…that's just _gross_."

The girl shoved Gir back in front of them again and put her hands on her hips. "Listen, we don't like girls stealing the guys from us, okay?"

Gir's expression was puzzled. For one of the first times in her life, she was genuinely getting scared. "I'm not stealing-"

"Oh, yeah, you're dating that Dib guy and the green kid, Zim, his name was? And soon, you'll get your claws into some other dudes, dudes that belong to _us…_" the girl speaking was beginning to lose her temper.

"Hey, I got it," said one, stepping forward. Gir took a step back. "How about we give you a make-over…make you extra pretty for the guys?"

"Hey, yeah!" laughed one, as she and her other companion moved forward. "A _really_ special one…"

One girl grabbed Gir by the arm and forced her down to her knees. Gir cried out as one knee get scraped. "Okay, this is a mud-mask," laughed her captor, picking up a handful of dirt. "They do it at spas, but none like this."

Gir shut her eyes tight and moved her face away, but one girl held her head in place. "Do it, Ashley, do it!"

"Yeah, smear her face!" chimed in the other.

The girl started giggling as she rubbed Gir's face with the dirt, streaking some in her silvery hair. "Hey, I hate that stupid hat," one said, grabbing the hat, and deliberately grabbing some chunks of hair as well, and giving a few hard pulls. Gir screamed.

"Hey, look, she's crying!"

"Oh…the poor baby!" laughed the girls as tears began streaming down Gir's face, mixing with the dirt.

"Hey, rip out those stupid-looking earrings!" the leader yelled, reaching for more dirt.

"Yes, ma'am!" One girl said, reaching for the earring that was closest. Her fingers curled around it and…

**_"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!" _**

The girls screamed and released the captive, as she huddled on the ground, face turned downward. The girls scrambled up, nervously.

Zim was standing right in front of them now, eyes blazing, a growl in his throat. "**_What…do you think…you're doing…to Gir_**!?!" he roared, stepping closer, sending the girls a few steps back.

"Um…Ashley, tell him something…" one girl whimpered, hiding behind her leader.

"Uh-"

She was interrupted by a hiccupping sob. All four glanced down at Gir, arms around herself, a few tears on the ground, shoulders shaking, her hair a mess. Zim slowly looked back up at the girls, a look of murderous rage on his face. "You…" he growled. His spider-legs suddenly emerged from his PAK, and he advanced on the girls quickly. He seemed to be too angry to speak.

The girls screamed. "Run!"

"Monster!"

The girls ran like rabbits away from Zim, tripping over themselves in their hurry.

Zim struggled to calm down and looked down at Gir once again. Gir was still crying.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

"Ashley, the guy's insane!" one girl panted.

"I know," the leader said. "Don't worry. We'll go to the police or something and we'll-"

They stopped dead when they rounded a corner and saw a certain dark girl waiting for them, arms crossed, golden eyes glaring. "So…" she said cruelly. "What did you do to her…?"

"Um…"

"You are doomed where you stand…"

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Dib found Zim a few moments later. Zim's spider legs were now back inside his PAK, and he was squatting on the ground, awkwardly holding Gir against him, Gir sobbing incoherent words. "It's okay, it's okay…" he said awkwardly, a gloved hand patting Gir's back.

"Whoa…what happened to her?" Dib asked, shocked.

Zim was still angry. "Those evil, foul, vile…._girl-human witches_…"

Gir looked up at Dib, and Dib saw the damage. "Oh my God…" he breathed. "Oh, Gir…" he said, getting on his knees and stroking her hair. "Poor Gir…" he whispered.

This caused Gir to dissolve into tears all over again. "What'd I…do…?" she sobbed. Dib sighed.

"Times like this…" he said simply. "I think it would be better if Gir was a robot again…"

**I hated writing that scene…and I'm pretty sure there was some OOCness…anyway, Gaz is teaching those girls a lesson, isn't she…?**


	8. Chapter 8

**Okay, here's another chapter…and may I say, you guys really want those girls dead, do you? LOL One of you wanted Gir to take revenge, and go "Serious Mode." ::hums innocently:: Well, I don't wanna give _too_ much away, heheh… And for the record, I do know what Bloody Gir is, and I'm _so_ gonna draw that! LOL ::sleeps, then wakes up:: Oh, ahead of time, sorry for making Gir get better really fast. ::goes on sleeping, and dreams of ice-cream::**

Gir rubbed at her face, trying to remove the damage. "I never did anything," she muttered, dried tears still on her face. It was about ten minutes later, and she had calmed down a bit, after some prompting from Zim and Dib. It was a good thing too, because Zim started to look uncomfortable.

Dib shoved past Zim (who glared at him) and adjusted her hat. "You okay, Gir?"

"That really hurt," she said, not answering, still feeling the pain. She felt two kinds, oddly; physical pain, and a new, strange feeling of pain, one that seemed to be inside of her, in a spot near one of her lumps. She moved a hand over the spot, eyes wide in astonishment. "What…?"

Dib saw what was going on immediately. "Your feelings are hurt," he explained. "I'm sure _Zim_ wouldn't know of that."

Zim growled. "I don't recall asking _your_ human opinion!"

Dib almost flipped him off, but decided against it. "Your feelings are hurt, and it may take a while to get over," he explained.

Gir sniffed, the last few remaining bits of her pain leaving her. "Where's Gaz?" she asked, nearly back to her old self.

"I think she's making those girls wish they were never born," remarked Dib casually as his sister arrived. "And speak of the she-devil, there she is."

"I heard that," Gaz said, her fist still clenched.

Gir's eyes widened. "You didn't _kill_ them, did you?!" she squeaked.

"Not quite. They just fell into the nightmare world, from which there is no escaping-"

"You did that for me!?" cried Gir, apparently back to normal. She launched herself at the dark human, wrapping her arms around her neck. "Thank you!"

"Get off me, Gir."

Gir obeyed instantly, rubbing at one remaining tear in her eye. She turned around to Zim. "Master, can we still go to the mall?" she asked quietly.

"You still want to go?" he asked, eyes widening skeptically.

Dib smiled. "Hey, come on, she deserves a good day, right? I don't care what you think," he growled to Zim, who had just opened his mouth.

Gaz shook her head. "Fine," she muttered. "But only for a little bit-"

The rest of her statement was drowned out by Gir's cheering. Zim gave the death-glare to Dib, who only shrugged and said "We shouldn't let those girls ruin a good time for her."

"Come on Master! Dib, Gaz!"

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

"I don't know _what _this is …" Gir said, bent over and staring into the clear glass box. Once they had gotten to the mall, she had gone straight for the arcade, attracted by the loud noises and flashing colors. Dib had told Zim that most girls would have gone straight for the make-up store or the clothing store, so Gir really was strange as a human girl. "Which makes you a perfect pair," he had said jokingly, nudging the alien in the side and earning a kick to the shin for his trouble.

Gir looked up. "What is it?"

Gaz supplied the answer, since Dib was over by the ticket counter, scanning potential prizes, and Zim was contemplating on how to best whack a human being on the head with the Whack-A-Gopher hammer. "It's a crane game. You put money in the slot, and you fish around for the prize." She slid in a quarter, and took Gir's hand, wrapping it around the joystick. "Move it around and when you think you might get it, hit the button."

Gir frowned with, for her, intense concentration, and moved the joystick around, back and forth, until it hovered over a stuffed pig. "Piggie!" she squealed, hitting the button. The crane dropped, opened, closed, and came up with….

Nothing.

Gir visibly deflated. "Awww…." She groaned.

"Gir, there's plenty of more games," Gaz said, gesturing around her. "You can beat gophers upside the heads; you can throw balls into pits, and shoot people."

Gir's eyes widened at these words. This place, this "R-Kayed," as she thought it was called, seemed like a violent place.

"Or you can dance," Gaz added, gesturing to a square out in front, with flashing colored squares, and a screen with little arrows moving up it.

"WOW!" cried Gir. "It's pretty!"

"Yes, it is very….pretty…" Gaz said with difficulty. "If you want to play, get on."

Gir was on one of the squares in a second, hopping on the balls of her feet. "Turn it on, Gaz!" she cried excitedly. "Turn it on!"

Gaz shook her head and walked toward the Whack-A-Gopher game. Zim was now swinging the hammer though the air. "Bah!" he muttered discouragingly. "It's too lightweight…GAH!" he cried, as Gaz jerked him backwards. She dragged him across the arcade, towards the dance game, and to Gir. "_You_ are dancing in Dance-Dance Meltdown™ because _I_ am _not_ the dancing type."

"But-"

Gaz shoved him on, much to his disdain. Dib glanced up as Gaz inserted the quarters. "Zim's gonna dance!?" he cried, rushing over. "Aw, the one day I forget my camera…" he said miserably.

"I'll kill you in your sleep," Zim growled.

"C'mon, Master, it'll be cool!" Gir cried, hopping excitedly.

Gaz flicked through the music titles, allowing Gir to listen to each sample until she cried "Stop!"

All but Gir looked at the title in shock. **"Bumblebee."**

"Uh, Gir, you don't wanna pick a different song?" Zim asked miserably. The song sample didn't sound good to him…

"But this song sounds cool!" Gir protested.

"Yeah, dance to Bumblebee!" Dib laughed. Zim growled again.

Gaz hit the "Accept" button. "Just ignore the music and follow the arrows," she instructed. "When the arrow is right on the one on the screen, stomp the corresponding square with your foot. Got it?" she asked.

Gir nodded. "I think so!" she chirped.

"**Ready?"** asked the announcer's voice.

Gir nodded. "Yes!"

Zim looked panicked. "Wait, no!"

**"Okay! Begin!"**

"ZIM DOES NOT LIKE THE SONG!"

**Sweet little bumblebee**

**I know what you want from me**

**Sweet little bumblebee**

**More than just a fantasy**

Gir frowned in concentration, stomping on the square when she thought it was right. Zim glanced down and followed her. Gaz raised her eyebrows. "This is interesting."

**My heart skips a beat when you walk in the room**

**I go boom-boom-boom; you go zoom-zoom-zoom**

**You're my playboy, play-toy, lover, my friend**

**I wanna be with you until the end**

A small crowd of arcade-goers gathered around the machine, watching the girl and the disguised alien duke it out on the dance machine. "Hey, look, the guy's trying to out-dance his girlfriend!" one kid yelled.

"Not…my…" Zim gasped, trying to keep up.

**I'd give my heart and soul to you**

**To make you see it's true**

**I'm so confused, baby, can't you see?**

**Please come rescue me….**

Gir laughed as the song started to wrap up. "This….is…really short!" she panted.

"Zim should be happy this machine doesn't have the full version," Gaz said, smirking. Dib held back a laugh.

**Sweet little bumblebee**

**I know what you want from me**

**Sweet little bumblebee**

**More than just a fantasy**

The song reached its conclusion and the points were racked up. "**Player 1 wins!"**

"WHAT?!" cried Zim, rushing right up to the screen, pressing his face against it. "Zim demands a recount! A RECOUNT!!!"

Dib had to forcibly remove him from the machine.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Gir walked out of the arcade, finally, and only when Gaz had promised her a pig if she did. The boys were forced to go along, Dib looking for the video store, and Zim wanting to get out of what he called the "Human Filth-Hole." Gir tugged Gaz's hand. "Gaz, where're we going now?"

"You'll see," was all she said. Gir only stared in awe at the other shops nearby, watching various people go into certain stores. "Wow…" she said.

Gaz stopped right outside the entrance to a shop that was pure white inside with strange chairs and ladies with funny hair. The ladies walked around in tall shoes and were doing strange things to the hairs on the peoples' heads. Gir's eyes widened when she saw one person getting red and purple powder smeared on her eyelids. "What's that?!" she cried, tightening her grip on Gaz's arm.

Gaz gritted her teeth. "It's a-"

"What is it!?"

"It's a-"

"A WHAT?!"  
"A salon," Gaz said in a deadly quiet voice. Dib was staring at the sign out front. "Oh no," he said. "You're not…"

"What is this?" Zim said, looking horrified.

Gaz pushed Gir inside. "Hey!" cried the former robot.

"You're going inside, Gir!" Gaz said through gritted teeth. "I think it's best you find out what a _real_ make-over is…"

"Wha-!?"

A lady with poofy red hair and orange lips clicked toward them. "Hel-_lo_, dears!" she said over-enthusiastically. She clapped her hands in front of her chest. "What would you like?"

Gir only stared, eyes huge, mouth slightly agape.

Gaz shoved her forward. "My friend wants a little make-over. Nothing big, but still noticeable."

"Surethingrightthiswayhon," the lady said, speaking in one big word. She laid her hand on Gir's back and guided her forward. Gir yelped when she saw a girl being subjected to the hair-dryer. "Master!" she cried, turning around and pleading with her eyes.

"It's okay," said Dib, grabbing Zim by the collar as he tried to run past him. "Zim, stay here."

Zim growled and struggled against Dib's grip. "Let me go! Let _go_!"

"Stupid, girls do this for _fun_. All the time," supplied Gaz.

"Sweeties, you can come in and watch her if you want," said another lady, one with poofy _yellow_ hair this time.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Gir kept her eyes shut tight as she felt water on her scalp. She let out a whimper when she felt a comb going through, and felt the blade of scissors against her forehead.

"Gir, don't be scared," Gaz ordered. "Open your eyes."

Gir slowly obeyed, and she and Zim watched in horror as a snippet of silver hair fell to the floor.

"AAAAHHH!" cried Zim, startling all the girls, and one man, getting their hair done. "SHE CUT GIR! SHE CUT GIR'S BODY! GIR, GET AWAY FROM THE CHAIR!"

"For the love of Pete, Zim, calm down!" Dib yelled, trying to keep him from murdering the stylist. "It didn't hurt her! EVERYONE gets their hair cut at some point! IT DIDN'T HURT HER!"

After a few more snips, Zim accepted the explanation, but only when he saw Gir's expression of horror dissolve into wonder. The stylist turned Gir's head a few times and nodded. "Okay, now we just have to dry your hair," she said, flicking the switch.

Zim went crazy.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

"She done!" announced the new employee. (One could tell, because her hair was the only hair not poofy.) She lowered the chair Gir sat in turned her to a mirror behind her companions. "Ta-da!"

Gir blinked at her reflection. "Ah…"

Gaz's order to be subtle had been obeyed, but it was definitely noticeable. Her hair, once cascading down her neck and reaching slightly past the shoulders, was cut and thinned so that stopped a quarter-inch above her shoulders. She had also been given pale pink goo on her mouth and an even paler pink powder on her cheeks. She stared at herself and touched her hair.

"You look even cuter," said Dib fondly, like a proud brother. "Eh, Zim?"

Zim looked away. "You shouldn't have participated in this dumb ritual in the first place, Gir," he said simply. "They've completely changed your appearance!"

"Okay, one;" said Dib. "It isn't dumb. Two; changing appearance is the _point_. Three; not completely. The make-up washes right off."

Gir hadn't listened to what her master had said. She was still staring at her reflection. The new employee chuckled as she replaced Gir's hat. The bangs, while trimmed, still peeked out from the hat. "Yes, that's you," she said.

"Gir looks…new," Gir said lamely, earning a laugh from the stylist.

Gaz put her hands in her pockets. "You wanna do anything else?"

Gir smiled. "Yeah!"

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Gir clung to Gaz's back, trying to verbally recap the entire time spent at the mall. "And the music store was cool! And I went for the piggies again, remember?! And then, and then, and then-"she sputtered, trying to remember what happened next.

"And then you went back to DDM," supplied Dib. "And poor Zim was subjected to more songs that he hated."

"Mr. Wonderful…Witch Doctor…Dream A Dream…" Zim muttered, looking scarred for life. "Why could they not have a song about destroying humanity?"

"They did, but they got sued and it was permanently removed from the machine," said Gaz.

"Of course it was," grumbled Zim. "Oof!" he cried out when Gir suddenly leapt onto his back.

"C'mon Master, cheer up!" she laughed.

Dib smiled at the sight of Gir pulling Zim's antennae. "Man, I still wish I had my camera," he said.

"If you did, I would kill you," growled the alien.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Gir lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling. It was much darker than when they had walked back from the non-ripping mall, and she was supposed to be asleep, like all humans. But…

She put her hand over her "heart" as she had heard people call it, again. The ache was still there. She still hurt inside, and she didn't quite know why. She blinked and something warm and wet rolled down her cheek.

"It still hurts," she whimpered, curling her knees toward her chest.

Zim was right there on the floor, grumbling over new invasion plans, and he heard the whole thing. He looked up, eyes crimson without the contacts. "What hurts?" he said. His tone grew hard when he said "If those fool-girls hurt you _that_ badly-"

Gir shook her head best she could while lying down. "What Dib called my feelings," she said. "They still hurt…I never did anything to those girls…"

She felt sleepy, her eyes beginning to close. She muttered one more "Never did anything, and they hurt me," before she fell asleep. She vaguely felt a clawed hand resting on the side of her head.

**Okay, maybe she _didn't_ get all better…**


	9. Chapter 9

Gir awoke that morning feeling some sort of ache in her belly. "Ow…" she mumbled, curling up into a ball before slowly sitting up. If she moved around, the pain didn't hurt as much, it seemed. She took a few steps, and soon she was back to her old self (mentally, not physically). She glanced around. Zim had left the room after she had fallen asleep, apparently, and had taken his stuff with him.

Gir remembered the feeling of his hand on her head from the night before, and flushed a pale pink, smiling a little. That had actually felt kind of nice…

"Master!?" she called, running around the house. "Where are you!?"

**PBPBPBP**

Zim cringed as he heard Gir's shouting and the banging of her feet hitting the floor at rapid speed. "Damn that girl…" he muttered, hitting his head on the table. (He was in the kitchen.) He decided to keep quiet. It was a week-end, meaning he and Gir were free from Skool, and he had also heard that normal humans did not walk around on weekends when it was….He glanced at the digital clock. "_5:30 AM!?" _

Gir was crazy….

**PBPBPBP**

Gir walked around in her master's lab a little longer, glancing around curiously. "Master's not down here," she mused to herself. "Where'd he go?"

She suddenly felt an odd sensation; like she had gotten wet. "Huh?" She glanced down, feeling it get even worse. Everything _seemed _okay…

"MASTER!? WHERE ARE YOU?!" she called, hands around her mouth. "Where didn't I look?" she wondered out loud. She walked toward the elevator that would carry her to the upstairs. And then she felt the sensation get worse. Whatever was happening, it was on her legs now.

"Hn?" She looked down again, and her eyes widened as she paled.

"_**MASTEEEEERRRR!!!!"**_

**PBPBPBP**

Zim heard her shout again and straightened up, eyes wide. Gir had been calling him for awhile, but…this time sounded different…it sounded urgent, like she was in trouble…

Feeling uncharacteristically afraid for her, he jumped up and ran for the lab. Somehow….he knew that's where she was….

**PBPBPBP**

Gir lay on the ground, whimpering and trembling. The elevator behind her opened up and Zim rushed out. "Gir! Stop lying around!" he commanded, trying to pretend nothing was wrong with her.

Gir wouldn't move. "Master….?"

Zim frowned. "Gir, you look okay, now stand up."

Gir, shakily, rose to her feet, but when she faced Zim, he gasped. "Oh, dear Irk…"

**PBPBPBP**

"My Tallest, there's an incoming transmission."

"From who?"

"A planet called Earth."

Red sighed while Purple shook his head. "Not again…"

Zim's face appeared on the screen, looking panicked. "My Tallest, we need help!"

"And lots of it…" muttered Purple to himself. "Okay, Zim what is it this time?"

"Gir's, still a human-worm by the way, bleeding!" Zim's arms waved above his head. "She's bleeding! She's gonna die! My Tallest, you have to do something! You have to help!"

The two exchanged a look before turning back to Zim. "Zim…"

"Yes?" the Irken asked hopefully.

"Stop calling us."

The transmission ended, Zim still staring at the screen in shock, his arms slowly lowering. Gir was still bleeding on the floor. Zim glanced at her once and made his decision.

**PBPBPBP**

The phone rang in Dib's room. He sat up, groaning, and rubbed at his eyes. "Wha-?" he muttered, looking at his clock. "Who the heck would…?" The phone rang again, insistently. Dib muttered something about murder before picking it up. "'Ello?"

"DIB-WORM!"

"What the-?" Dib cried, now wide awake. "Zim? What's-"

"DIB-WORM, YOU'D BETTER COME DOWN HERE RIGHT NOW AND FIX GIR!"

"Fix… Zim, what is going on over there?"

"I told you not to wake me up…" Gaz growled, standing in the doorway. Zim's outburst had awakened her. "Tell Zim you can play later."

"Gaz, it sounds-"

"GAZ-HUMAN'S THERE TOO?! BOTH OF YOU GET DOWN HERE, OR GIR'S BLOOD WILL BE ALL OVER YOUR HANDS! Although, right now it's on her legs…"

Gaz slapped her forehead as she heard the last statement. "Oh, no…" she muttered.

Dib quietly hung up the phone, shutting out Zim's shouting.

"Come on," Gaz muttered, turning around. "We'd better help…"

**PBPBPBP**

The door was flung open before Dib's hand could even touch it. "WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG!?" cried Zim. "In, in, in!" he continued, shoving the two inside and down the elevator.

Dib raised an eyebrow when he saw the alien leaning against the wall, trying to catch his breath. "Problem, Zim?"

"Shut up."

"Problem, Zim?" asked Gaz.

"Yes!" Zim cried. (Dib made a mental note to ask Gaz why Zim only answered her.) "Gir's bleeding human-goo! She's making a mess on the floor! She's injured! Hurt! DYING!!!!"

"Gir's not dying," Dib said flatly.

"Eh?"

"It's something girl humans go through at a certain time in their life…once a month. They bleed," Dib explained. Gaz was busy rifling through her bag.

"Gir's….okay?"

"Nope," Gaz said as the elevator opened, and they got a view of Gir whimpering on the floor, muttering "I'm dying" over and over again.

Gaz sighed and walked forward, kneeling down to place a hand on Gir's back. "Gir," she said.

The ex-robot lifted her head, giving Gaz her wide-eyed attention. "Gazzie?"

Gaz turned to face Zim. "Does this room have a bathroom or something?!"

Zim, dumbfounded, shook his head.

Gaz growled under her breath and made Gir stand up. "We're going upstairs."

**PBPBPBP**

Gaz and Gir were inside the bathroom, yet again, and again, Zim and Dib were outside. Zim was leaning against the wall, staring blankly into space. Dib grinned wickedly.

"Were you scared?"

"Huh? Nope, nope, I was fine!" Zim said, obviously lying.

Dib continued to smile. "Liar."

"I'm not lying!"

"Dude, you were so scared. Your shouting could have woken up someone in China."

"YOU'RE LYING!"

Dib winced and covered his ears.

**PBPBPBP**

Gir's sniffling had ceased. She was also standing inside a bathtub with the curtain drawn (it was mystery as to _why_ Zim had the thing, considering he couldn't be in water) and following Gaz's instructions.

"And then you're done," said Gaz, facing away from her.

The curtain opened, and Gir peered out, smiling tearfully. "Thanks so much, Gazzie!" she cried.

"Okay, enough of the 'Gazzie,' okay?"

Gir walked over, kneeling down to see inside the bag. "I have to use all these?"

"Change them every two hours or so. Use the really thick ones for bed. It should stop in a few days," Gaz told her.

Gir nodded. "Okay!"

Gaz studied her for a moment. "But it's kind of weird…you were only a human for about a week or so, and you're already bleeding…that's really…odd…."

Gir didn't pay attention to that. She was too busy looking through the bag some more. "Does Master have to go through these things too?"

**PBPBPBP**

Dib and Zim looked up. "What's with all the laughing?" asked Dib.

**I got a review saying that if Gir was a human girl for about a month, then…well, you know. I thought it'd be hilarious, so I put it in…Next chapter, we'll actually move on with the story, I promise.**

**Poor Zim… LOL**


	10. Chapter 10

The two girls exited the bathroom, Gir looking considerably calmer than she _had been_. Gaz looked to Zim as if to say "You poor, poor sap." Gir didn't notice. "Hey, Master, I'm okay now, see?!" she said cheerfully.

Zim nodded, exasperated. "Yeah, you're okay now…"

Dib grinned wickedly. "So, Space-Boy, you want to know anything else about human girls, before you have a panic attack on the telephone again?"

"Shut up."

Gaz slung the now empty bag over her shoulder again and headed for the door. "We put Gir's things in the cabinet above the sink. Zim, you _had better_ not look…"

Dib choked on a laugh and followed his sister out the door. Gir waved to them. "Bye Gaz! Bye, Dib!"

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Zim now stood in front of the computer. "Are you _sure?_" he asked. "Don't keep anything from me!"

The computer made an annoyed sound. "_I assure you, there is nothing else about girls that should happen to surprise you…the only other thing is pregnancy, and I guarantee it will not happen." _(**A/N Me too.)**

"You're _**sure?**_"

"_I'M SURE, MASTER!"_

"Okay, okay, don't yell," said Zim, forgetting that he had been near yelling himself.

"HEY, MASTER! THE SHOW'S ON AGAIN!" cried Gir from upstairs. Zim flinched.

"_It's amazing she can be that loud…_" said the computer.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Gir was squatting on the floor in front of the TV again, watching her favorite show, and eating popcorn (un-popped, of course). "I love this show," she said.

But as she ate the popcorn, facing the television screen, her mind was going elsewhere…

Being a girl was certainly different from being a robot. She could do more stuff, and some scary things happened every now and then. People could hate you, you could bleed (and when that happened, you felt like you were going to die) and sometimes…

Gir absent-mindedly placed a hand over her heart, as she remembered this new thing. Sometimes, when you looked at someone, your heart would feel weird. It would start beating faster, or it would feel like it flipped over. Or something like that…

A noise told Gir that her master had left the lab. She quickly stood up, racing toward the kitchen.

"MASTER!" she cried, tackling him from behind. Zim let out a quick cry before he fell down and kissed the floor. Gir clung to his back, her cheek against the back of his head. "Hiiiiii!"

"Gir, you _just_ saw me, now get off!" he cried, throwing her off of him. She landed a few inches away, laughing.

Zim got up to dust himself off, muttering about the "tackling, homicidal maniac of a robot-girl-thing."

"Hey, Master, I wanna use the computer!"

"For what?" he growled.

"Nooooottthhiinnngg……" she said innocently.

She wanted it for something, Zim could tell. After all, he was ZIM!

"You want a taquito recipe, don't you?"

"Nooo…."

So it was a taco recipe she was after then. "You'd better not break it…like last time…" That squeezable cheese had taken FOREVER to clean up.

"Okie-dokie!" Gir tackled her master again with a loud "THANKS!" before disappearing into the lab.

Zim sighed, sitting at the table. "I'll be a lot happier when she gets back to normal…" he muttered.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

"_What do you want, Gir?" _sighed the computer, keeping a safe distance away. It still hadn't forgotten the incident with the squeezable cheese…

Gir blinked up at it, eyes wide with innocence and curiosity. "You're smart, right?"

"_That's what I'm not told, yes…"_

"Do you know what it means when someone's heart gets all weird?"

The computer seemed to be processing this. _"You mean a disease? Who has a disease? You?"_

"I think so," said Gir, confused. "I feel my heart flipping or something else. And sometimes it starts beating faster. And sometimes I feel warm…"

_"Wait…does it happen randomly or when you look or think about someone?"_

"I look at someone and think about him, and sometimes it does that-"

Gir was interrupted by an "_Awwwww…"_

"What? WHAT?!" she cried, waving her arms.

"_Gir, you've got a crush on someone!"_

"Oh a crush!" Gir said, smiling brightly.

There was a short pause. Finally the computer said "_You don't know what a crush is, do you?"_

"Not a clue!"

The computer sighed. "_You have feelings of infatuation…"_

Gir stared.

_"Like love, but not quite…"_

"Oh." Gir stood there a moment. "Will it go away?"

"_Maybe soon. Who knows? I know some crushes don't go away for years. Of course, then, it gets serious, and it becomes like a stalker-syndrome-wait," _it said suddenly. _"Answer me some questions…"_

"Okay!"

_"Do you _know_ this person personally?"_

"Yup."

_"For a long time. A very, very, long time?"_

"Uh-huh!"

_"Do you accept them as who they are, completely?!"_

"I guess so! Why?"

"_Hmmm….It might not be just a crush…"_

Gir just stood there.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Later, she stood there, looking out the window at a man and woman walking by. They were holding hands and laughing. The lady said something and the man turned red before saying something back to her, causing her own face to flush pink. Gir cocked her head, confused at the sight. Was that what the computer called 'love?' Were those two people in love?

"This is more confusing than doughnuts…" she complained, watching the pair touch their lips together, and feeling her heart hurt a little.

**Okay, that was a bad chapter…writer's block is starting to catch up with me on this one. Anyone got any ideas?**

**Oh, and in case anyone wants to know, I was listening to "Heaven's Light," as a I wrote the last part…up there…**


	11. Chapter 11

**I still have horrendous writer's block, so that's why this chapter took a while to punch out. Also, in regards to the question on "Heaven's Light..." That's a Disney song, from their version of Hunchback of Notre Dame.**

**Sigh...I still cannot really think of anything. I need help. Any would be appreciated. (That's mainly why this chapter is just a fun one. Consider it a filler.)**

Gir was sitting next to Zim on the couch, watching television. She had rented "Intestines of War" for the umpteenth time. It didn't seem to bother her that she had memorized the entire film, and could quote the line right before the character said it ("My intestines!" was her personal favorite.) but it sure bothered Zim.

It was all he could do to keep from wrapping his hands around her neck and choking her...

"Hey, Mastah?" she suddenly asked, not bothering to pause the disk.

Zim grunted.

"What's pregnant?"

Zim's brow furrowed. "It's eh...it's..."

Gir smiled really big. "Mastah don't know?"

"OF COURSE I KNOW! It's..." he stopped. Hm. What was it anyway? (Irkens were cloned, they did not reproduce, so he had really no idea. He didn't even know what the computer had meant when he used that word.) "It's...a human girl thingie...with...a preg...and there's an ant at the end...and, eh..."

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

"Tonight...on Mysterious Mysteries, we investigate the rash of cross-dressing gnomes that are plaguing Western Europe."

Dib sat on the sofa, a notebook in hand, a pencil behind his ear, ready to take some serious notes on the cross-dressing gnomes. He had been wanting to see this all last week. Of course, this was how he was with every episode...

The host turned to an image behind him, of a gnome wearing lipstick and heels. "This one was sighted along Loch Ness, apparently about to have tea with Nessie. Who was also in drag."

Dib was writing that down. "Nessie...in...drag..." He suddenly stopped. "I wonder what kind of fabric she was wearing? Had to be waterproof..."

Just then the phone rang. "Gaz, could you get that?!" called Dib. "I'm busy-"

A fireball narrowly avoided incinerating his head.

"Alright, alright!" Dib cried, muting the television and picking up the phone from the hook. "Yes?"

"Dib-worm!"

Ah...Zim... "What do you want, Zim?" he groaned. "I told you if something happens, to call-"

"Nothing has HAPPENED! I, the great ZIM, only need an inquiry answered!"

Dib sighed, an eyebrow raised. "And that is...?"

"What's pregnant?"

Zim heard a loud THUMP! as Dib fell off the couch.

"Whatsa happened?" whispered Gir loudly, leaning waaaay over so she was practically nose to side-of-head with Zim.

Zim felt himself heat up for some reason, and shoved her away. Oddly, the flush went back down...

Dib pulled himself back on to the couch, breathing oddly, his glasses askew. "Wha...WHAT?!"

"This...PREGNANT thing...what is it?"

"It's a...It's...see, when a human guy loves a human girl..."

"He doesn't know, Gir!" Dib could hear Zim say, right bfore the _click_ and a dial tone.

"Wait!" cried Dib, but it was too late. "I..._do_ know..."

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

"Well, the Dib-Worm didn't know, and I can't ask the Tallest..."

Gir leaned over towards Zim again. "Does the computer know?"

"Yeah, maybe..."

There was a long pause as the two just sat there.

"But...he's probably busy!" Gir suddenly chirped. It seemed like she didn't want to bother the computer, but in reality...she had it had an interesting reaction to Bloaty's Botulism Blitz Pizza. Especially when you rubbed it all over the thing...

"Eh."

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

At the library, the phone rang. A student librarian picked it up. "Hello?" she asked, mechanically.

"IS THIS THE INFORMATION CENTER, HUMAN!?"

"Yeah...this is the reference desk..."

"I...AM IN NEED OF INFORMATION!"

"That's why we're here. What's the question?" she asked, flipping through an over-sized book. Three seconds later she fell down. "Excuse me!?" she sputtered out as she pulled herself back up.

"Yes! How is this done?"

In less than five minutes, she told him. Every excruciating, nitty-gritty detail.

"Hm. So that's how you make Pizza...I HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION!"

"Yeah...?"

"Explain a female's pregnancy."

Once again, Zim was met with a dial tone. "Hello? HELLO?!" he said. No answer. "Is every human on this miserable planet useless in this area of expertise?!" he roared.

"Wow, I hope not," Gir deadpanned.

"No matter! I shall found out what it is by other means!" Zim went on as if Gir hadn't spoken. He hopped off the couch and goose-stepped out. Gir watched him for a moment before rewinding the movie a little bit. She missed the good part. "ARGH! MY INTESTINES!"

"I love this show..."

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Zim had decided to just go ahead and ask the computer. Of course, this would have been the sensible thing to do, but then again, Zim wasn't Mr. Irken Sensibility. (That honor went to Invader Dooky.)

"COMPUTER!"

"Is Gir with you?"

"No, it is just ZIM!"

The computer slowly eased into sight, covered in grease and little green...things...it was probably better not to ask. "What?"

"Tell me about this..PREGNANT thing..."

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Zim walked into the main room a few minutes later, staring straight ahead like a zombie. Gir was hanging upside-down off the couch, eyeing him curiously. "You okay?"

Zim stopped right in front of her, looking downward to meet her eyes. "Never..." he said, his voice flat. "EVER...ask about "pregnant" again..." And he turned and left the way he came.

"Where you goin'?"

"Looking for something to speed up the...back-to-robot...ness...on you," he answered, shuddering a little.

Gir, still upside down, shrugged her shoulders as the phone rang. She answered it with "Taquito store?"

"Erm...hey, is this that cute Gir chick?"

"This is the chicken!"

There was a short pause. "Right...hey, you still up for the party next week?"

**No I have not forgotten the party, but there has to be some more stuff before we get to it...**


	12. Chapter 12

The next morning, Dib was crouching by the front door to Zim's house, camera in hand. The past few weeks, he gotten sloppy. He had forgotten his mission. But no, no way was Zim getting the better hand this time…

And of course, Dib was saying the previous words out loud all along…

"Just you wait, Zim," he whispered ecstatically, moving forward and raising the camera to his eyes. "I am going to expose you, and I am going to-"

**SHICK-BAM!**

The window above Dib was suddenly opened, and Gir leapt down, landing right on top of poor Dib, half-burying him into the ground. Dib was tasting dirt all the way to the back of his throat. "Ah…" he groaned.

The front door opened just then, and Zim goose-stepped out, looking very annoyed. "Gir, the door was _open!_"

"But the door has sea monkeys livin' in it! And the window is refreshingly sea-monkey free!"

Zim groaned. "The sea monkeys will be destroyed then! Get over here, now!"

Gir smiled and was at Zim's side in an instant, clinging to his arm like a little child. "Okie-dokey!"

Zim muttered something unintelligible under his breath, but nevertheless, he did not shove her away from him.

And while Dib was trying to free himself from the ground, a family of sea monkeys was making their escape from the interior of the door, to avoid destruction.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

"You what?!"

"Dude, calm down-"

"That..."Gir" chick is comin'?"

"Dude, I said it was no big deal-"

"No big deal?! No big deal!? Dude, if that chick comes, she's bringing that green kid with her. You want that green kid to come too?"

The two boys were currently in the hallway, not caring about the scene they were making. In fact, nobody else really cared either. They had their own business to worry about.

"Would you relax, man? The chick ain't bringin' the green kid...I'm pretty sure of that."

"Oh yeah?" The one who was protesting the matter crossed his arms. "How do you know, exactly?"

"I called her and asked last night," the second boy, Chad, said with a smirk.

His friend jumped backwards in shock. "You actually _called _her? How'd you get the number?"

Chad looked nervous. "Do you remember the giant squid robot from three months ago?"

His friend swallowed. "Who _doesn't _remember that?"

"Yeah well, it turns out that the green kid had ordered it, and I found his phone number on the reciept."

The other boy, who had been trying to digest all of this, suddenly held his hands up in a "stop" gesture. "Wait. back up. You found the reciept, three months ago, and kept it? You didn't even know the Gir chick back then! What were you doing with it?"

Chad shrugged his shoulders. "Well, I was gonna use it for prank phone calls to the guy. You know, pretend I was with the FBI and tell him I 'know his secret', make him spazz out some more, stuff like that..."

The young man stared at him and slowly shook his head. "You're mental, dude..."

"Aren't I? Anyway, I figured since Gir-or-whatever-her-name-is was living with the green kid, I'd just call his number, and get ahold of her."

"And if Zim picked up, instead?" The boy stopped to think. "That is his name right? Zim?"

"No...I think it's Zam...yeah, Zam, that's it. Well, if _Zam_ picked up the phone, I'd pull the FBI trick."

Chad's friend sighed in frustration. "Okay, okay, getting back to the point...how do you know Gir isn't going to bring Zam to your party?"

"I asked her. I said," he suddenly stroke up a pose that was supposed to look manly. "'So, Gir, about that party...you're goin' alone, right?' And she says," he now straightened up, hands at his sides, and made a fake-cheerful face. "'Okie-dokie! Will there be any of them taquitos?' I told her there would, and then she screamed and hung up on me," he concluded, shrugging his shoulders.

His friend stared at him blankly. "Can I ask you a question, Chad?"

"What?"  
"Why the hell did you invite her?" he deadpanned.

"Hey, come on, why wouldn't I?" laughed Chad, raising his hands in a defensive pose. "She's weird and a freak, yeah, but she's effin' _hot!_"

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Gir still refused to detach herself from Zim.

"Get _off _me, Gir!"

"Nuh-uh! I like Mastah!" Gir said, hugging Zims arm, if possible, even tighter.

"Gir, you're going to kill my arm!" Zim cried, voice strangled. He tried to free his arm from its prison, and was currently failing. "Gir, as your master, I _command_ you to let me go!"

Gir sighed ("Aaahhhh...") and suddenly let go. Zim nearly fell over backwards, and rubbed his arm, trying to force some life back into it. Gir hung back, moving her hands behind her back, and staring at Zim intently. "It hurts, Mastah?"

"_Yes, _it hurts! Thanks to you," he muttered.

Gir bit her lower lip. "Aahhh...I'm sorry..."

Zim didn't answer her, but gave his arm a little shake, and moved back over to Gir. "This time, don't cling to me like that..."

"You don't like that?"

"No, I do not!"

"Oh." Gir looked over to her right at a couple. The girl was clinging to her boyfriend's arm, giggling and smiling up at him, and the boy seemed to enjoy every minute of it. Maybe Gir had been clinging too tightly...

Gir looked away and continued walking with Zim. "Mastah?" she finally asked, sounding, like she sometimes did since becoming a human, serious. "Mastah?"

"_What_, Gir?"

"Mastah, there's some party some other guy's giving! He said there'd be taquitos!" she announced cheerfully. "I already said _I'd_ go! You wanna come too?" she asked, clearly forgetting that she'd said she'd be alone.

Zim grumbled something and shook his head. "Never," he said.

Gir blinked. "Huh?"

"There is no way I am going to this..._party..._that they speak of..." Zim didn't look once at Gir, he just kept staring straight ahead. "If you want to go, you can go by yourself."

Gir stared at him as he kept walking. Finally, she moved forward to follow him. "Mastah! Wait for me!" she cried.

Chad and his friend were a little ways behind them, and had witnessed the entire scene. Chad's friend whistled. "Woah, close call..."

"Tell me about it...hey, do you wanna try and get the Gir chick, or can I have her?"

His friend made a face. "Dude, I ain't tuochin' her. That Zam guy, he practically killed this one dude after he tapped her on the shoulder, remember? You can _have_ her."

"Sah-_weet_..."

**There is no particular reason why I chose to name this guy Chad. It just sounds like a generic "cool kid name," right? So, therefore, I hope that there are offences taken with any readers who may be named Chad, or have friends/family/signifigant others named Chad. But just in case, my sincerest apologies.**

**Oh, and anyone who guesses where the "Zam" instead of "Zim" came from, hey, you get a cookie...and...maybe I'll do a little request for ya if **_**you**_** get it right first...yes, this is a little contest, isn't it?**


	13. Chapter 13

**Well, you wanna know something? You all get cookies::holds out a plate of giant assorted cookies::Just grab whatever flavor you like best! Haha, **_**never**_** underestimate the knowledge of a big Invader Zim fan! LOL **

**But...the first one to answer correctly out of all of you was 7-dark-dreams. So, I'll draw a picture for ya! Just PM me what you want, okay?**

**Secondly, it appears there were no offences about the name "Chad." This is a good thing, since I thought someone might get a little annoyed...**

**Also, I'm sorry if this chapter seems to be bouncing all over the place...or seems choppy. My bad.**

"What do humans wear to parties?" asked Gir at lunchtime. She sat next to Zim, as always, and was helping herself to his own food. Zim didn't mind this, he hated the food anyway, not to mention it was ketchup and rice day.

"Oh, I don't know..." muttered Zim, exasperated. "Just their normal clothes, I guess..."

"Are these normal?" Gir called to a random student walking by. The boy shrugged and walked on, not meeting Zim's eyes. "Mastah, are these normal?" she asked again.

"Eh."

"Okay!" There was a pause as Gir stared up at the ceiling, trying to think of another question. "Do I bring a present?"

"How shoud I know?"

"Do you still have that thingie you gave to Keef?"

"I certainly hope so," said Zim with a terrifying smile. Oh, it would be _delicious_ to send that present to the pig-human who was throwing that party...Simply _delicious...and relishy!_

"Where is it? Huh-huh?"

Zim's smile faded quickly. "I don't know..." Darn! Just when he thought he might like to come to the party after all...

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBP**

A few days later, Gir was asking even more questions. "He mentioned something called 'zoobe...' What's that?' she asked Zim.

"Zoobe? I think it's a weird little game...or a TV show about a hand with googly eyes pasted on the top of it," Zim muttered, glancing at the caledar. Just a little longer until Gir could be changed back...a little longer...

"Ya sure...? He said they'd be drinkin' it!"

"Well, then they'll puree the hand in a blender and they'll drink _that_, I guess. No more questions!"

Gir blinked owlishly as Zim left the room, muttering to himself.

The computer's voice came up. "I think it's 'booze,' Gir."

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBP**

Then it was the day _before_ the party. Gir was still confused about a lot of things that might go on, and she kept asking Zim over and over "How many people is at them? Will they bring presents? Can I eat a cake? Watch out for the monkey!"

"Shut up!" Zim cried as he nearly tripped over the monkey. "Gir...I! Don't! Know! Sheesh!" he growled and stalked out, to go to another room before Gir drove him even more insane than he probably already was.

Gir only stood there, feeling even more confused than ever. "Mastah..." she finally called.

"WHAAAATTT??!"

"Are you sure you don't wanna come too?"

"I'm _sure, _Gir!"

Gir sighed sadly. "Okies..." she whispered.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBP**

"You're going _where?!_" cried Dib the next morning. Gir was standing right in front of him, hands behind her back, _trying_ to look like her usual cheerful self. The truth was, she had felt a strange ache in her chest the night before, and it still didn't seem to be gone... But that wasn't important now. She had been telling "the Dib" about her plans for that night, and though she didn't say anything, she had a _tiny_ hope in what was called her "heart" (though she still had no idea what it meant, not really) that maybe he'd somehow get Master to come with her. But then again, the only way _that_ would happen was if Dib had told Zim that the party was a headquarters of alien-hunters...then Zim would probably arrive in one of strange human disguises to _prove_ his non-alienness...

"Yeah, that's right!" Gir chirped with a false note of happiness to her voice. "You wanna go to? We can go right after Skool!" That was when everyone was leaving in the first place. All of the invited were heading over to Chad's immediately after the bell rang.

"No way!" said Dib. He knew what went on at those places. "Wait...why are _you_ going?"

"I was invited!"

"Gir, you can't go there _alone_!" Dib cried, shaking her by the shoulders.

"I won't be alone..." she said. What she had thought Dib meant was that she would be all by herself at the party, and she knew _that_ wouldn't be true...there would be plenty of other people there too.

"You won't?" Dib released her. "Zim's going with you?"

But Gir heard this as a statement, not a question. "Yes!" she cheered.

"Well..." Dib had a mental battle within himself. On one hand Gir shouldn't be there at all...on the other hand, if Zim was with her, he might be able to do something weird so the other kids would make him and Gir leave before anything _too_ bad happened. "Aahh..." He finally sighed. "Okay...and Gir?"

"Yes?"

Dib quickly passed her a camera. "Make sure you take a picture of Zim without his disguise. Take _lots_ of pictures..."

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBP**

It was after six o'clock. Zim was sitting on the couch, trying to watch the movie that was on TV, but not really caring. Stupid "Spongebob meets the Muppets..." didn't the have anything _better_ to show anymore? He kept glancing at the clock. Gir was late. _Really_ late. He had suspected something when he walked home by himself, but then again, Gir was always wanting to get a SuckMonkey from the 98 cent store. But it never took this long, not even when the once-weekly crowd of boycotters swarmed outside.

He groaned and tried to think of something else. He was only worried for Gir because she was his servant...yeah, that was it. Wasn't it?

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBP**

"Here, Gir. Try this thing," said Chad, holding out a strange amber liquid in a paper cup. Gir took it eagerly, sniffing the contents. "Phew!" she choked. It _stunk_.

"Hey, it may smell bad at first, but it tastes pretty damn good!" cheered a random girl dressed all in pink, holding her own cup high in the air.

Gir smiled a little, but she was miserable. She ahd been here for a few hours now, and it hadn't been anything like the parties she liked to plan...not that they ever occured. Here, everyone was acting happy and doing tons of stuff, and dancing around, yeah, but they were all...weird, somehow... Not one of them seemed to be having innocent fun. And they seemd raunchier, and more vulgar. There was girl doing a strange dance that involved a lot of belly movement, and holding her arms above her head. There were two other guys who were cheering like crazy and lifting their paper cups, taking big gulps of whatever was inside. Another kid was passed out on the floor, and he smelled terrible. There was smoke in the corner in the room, where some of the kids were doing _something_, Gir had no idea what and didn't really want to know.

"Come on," said Chad. "It's okay. And hey, once you take some drinks of this stuff, you'll have a lot more fun!"

"Really?" Gir asked, looking around. She brought her nose to the cup again to sniff (Chad gave her a weird look) and then slowly brought it to her lips. "UGH!" she coughed after she took her first sip.

"Hm..." Chad took her cup and poured some punch in it. He had made some just in case some of the guests were like this. "Okay, now try it," he offered, smiling.

Gir took a taste. It tasted better now...a little weird, but hey, she could at least _tolerate_ this one.

"Not bad, eh?" said Chad as Gir downed the contents. "Here, have some more."

And then twenty minutes later, Gir was laughing hysterically and acting almost as crazy as the other kids. "An' he'sh all 'shtoopid!' Bu' I ain't shtoopi'," Gir laughed, her eyes half-closed, mouth open in a dumb grin. "I's advaaaaanshed!" The five girls who were hanging on her every word burst into drunken guffaws.

"Aw, man, ain't dat true!"

"Yeah, men'sh the shtoopid onesh, eh, gals?"

"Teshtify, shishta!"

Gir started laughing again, talking more about how "advanshed" she was as Chad smiled at her.

Two guys were staring at her from the other side of the room. "Man, Chad's after another one," one of them muttered, sipping his beer.

"Yeah, you know how he is..."

And then another half-hour later...Gir was passed out on the couch. She lay on her side against the arm of the couch, one leg sticking out over the edge. Her arms were sticking out in front of her, also over the edge, and her cup lay abandoned on the floor. Nobody was caring, they were all too busy with thier own business, mostly drinking, laughing loudly at stupid jokes, and talking baout what they did with their significant others. For Chad, it was perfect. He leaned over Gir as he scooted closer. "Hey, Gir..." he whispered. No response. Chad smirked and brought his lips to Gir's cheek, trailing up to her ear, and then to her neck, his hand sliding up her thigh. Gir shivered and smiled in her sleep. Chad was smirking, pleased with how things were going so far, until she whispered...

"Mmm...Mastah..."

Two seconds later, everyone froze at the sound of something heavy hitting a table, and a cry of pain.

**Okay, let it be known that I have n**_**ever **_**been to one of these parties. Also, I have never drank beer (so I may be off on a few factoids. Oops) but I have had tastes of wine. Ugh, that stuff burns your throat and tastes gross! How can people like it? I guess it' an acquired taste?**


	14. Chapter 14

The entire room had frozen as they stared at the body on the floor. The victim had been flung over and had actually smashed the coffee table, and was currently laying in the midst of broken wood and glass. And the one who threw him...had obviously not been invited.

"_Okay, where's Gir!?" _Zim cried, scanning the room, and looking positively livid. Dib was right behind him, stepping into the room and looking disgusted. "Sheesh, no wonder you guys are all failing class if _this_ is what you do all the time..."

"'Ey...we do _not_ do dis aw da time..." someone slurred. Then he let out an _eep!_ as Zim lifted him by the collar and shoved his face in his.

"I don't care what you guys do, you'll all by destroyed anyway!" ("Aw, man, I don't have my tape-recorder," complained Dib.) "What I want to know right now is,_WHERE THE HELL IS GIR!?"_

Everyone pointed to the couch in another room, where Chad was trying to look invisible. A black ear from Gir's puppy hat could be seen over one of the couch's arms. Zim released his hostage and stormed into the room, careful to not let his anger overcome him.

Chad ducked even lower to the couch as Zim finally reached it and leaned over. "Gir, wake up!" he yelled in the sleeping girls' face. "GIR!"

He glanced over at Chad, who cringed. Gone was the bravado. He had seen angry parents and angry boyfriends (even angry exes) and when they got _really_ mad...things got broken. Zim glowered at him for a second and turned away, back to Gir. "GIR! YOUR MASTER COMMANDS YOU TO WAKE UP!" he yelled.

Gir only rolled over and mumbled someting in her sleep. Zim's eyes widened when he caught a familiar scent on her breath. It was from Earth, so it wasn't as strong as the one back home. But the smell was unmistakable...beer. And lots of it.

"You got her drunk," he growled, turned back to Chad. His hands formed fists as he trembled with suppressed rage. "You..." he started, before pausing to take a deep breath. It calmed him, but not a lot. "_You gave her beer, and you got her drunk..._" he growled again. "You...you..." he continued, as if there were no words vile enough to describe the man before him.

"Hey," Chad tried to reason. "She...she drank it! She wanted it!"

"No...I can smell it on her breath..." Zim said, voice low. "There's Earth fruit juices mixed in..._**You gave her beer and mixed it! Were you TRYING to give it to her unnoticed!?"**_

Chad swallowed. "She-She knew it was in there..."

"How much?!"  
"Wha-"  
_**"HOW MUCH DID YOU GIVE HER!?" **_Zim roared, suddenly lifting Chad by the front of his shirt._**"HOW MUCH BEER DID SHE DRINK!?"**_

"Um..."

"And another thing..." Zim added, looking to kill. "Her skirt..."  
"Wha-What?!" Chad glanced at Gir past Zim's rigid form. Apparently when he had touched her, he had moved her skirt...it was now moved upwards a little, so if he hadn't stopped when he did, her underpants would be seen. "I-"  
"_**YOU TOUCHED HER!" **_Zim shook him so hard, he could hear his teeth rattling. Meanwhile, everyone else at the party was staring in shock at the sight. Dib was alternating between trying to awaken Gir and distracting the corwd, desperately saying there was nothing to see.

"Zim," he whispered, glancing over his shoulder and speaking through clenched teeth. "I want to murder him as much as you do right now, but we gotta go..."

"Not yet," groweld Zim, coming dangerously close to ejecting his spider-legs, like he did with those three girls at the Skool. "I'll kill you..." he growled, face inches from the frightnened boy's. "I'll _kill_ you!"

"Zim..." Dib whispered, frantically, trying another card. "We have to get Gir out of here."

Zim's heavy breathing started to slow, to calm down, as he realized that the Dib-worm was right...he didn't want Gir to be here another second. "_If you ever touch her again," _he whispered, glowering at him, moving closer so only Chad could hear, "_If you talk to her again...if you so much as _look at her or breath on her, _I will hunt you down, and I will call reinforcements to kill you and any of your friends who may have helped you. Is that understood?"_ Chad nodded weakly. Zim tossed him back on the couch, lip curling in disgust. "Good," he growled as he scooped up the still sleeping Gir and carried her out the door. Dib followed, glaring at everyone over his shoulder and calling "Enjoy your party, jerks!"

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBP**

The two of them walked back to Zim's base, Dib glancing over at Zim, who was muttering about what murder weapons he could have used, and was carrying Gir on his back. Her head was on his shoulder, a thin line of drool running down her chin. Zim could still smell the beer...damn that Chad.

"She said you were coming with her," Dib said at last.

"So you said when I caught you infiltrating my base," grumbled Zim. It was true. Dib had tried to sneak into Zim's base and take some photos, convinced the two of them (Zim and Gir) would be gone, but he had come face-to-face with the alien a few steps inside. Dib had cracked and tried to explain about the party, Zim quickly catching on about Gir's whereabouts, and then they had wandered over the city for a few hours, trying to find Chad's house, Zim growing angrier by the passing second. It was good they had found Chad's house when they did for two reasons. One: Zim had threatened Dib a number of times on their "quest," and if they didn't find the house soon, nobody would have found Dib. Two: ...Well, Dib didn't want to think about what would have happened to Gir then. Zim didn't want to either. The very thought of Chad touching Gir's skin...it made his blood boil.

"I'm _really_ sorry," Dib mumbled.

"Eh..." Zim grumbled. Gir stirred in her sleep. "Mmm...Mas...ter..." he sighed, smiling.

"Heh...man, she likes you a lot," Dib teased, trying to lighten the mood. Zim shot him a glare. Dib held his hands up in defense. "Just speaking the truth."

Gir stirred a little more, nuzzling her master's shoulder. "Master...mmmm..." she sighed in contentment.

Zim sighed, his face feeling warm.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBP**

Gaz was waiting at Zim's base, bored. She had been forced to tag along with Dib, and then was told to stay at the base while they went to find Gir. And then the stupid house refused to let her leave...it probably didn't want her to kill more people than she had to. The computer had no video games, so all she had to keep herself entertained was the TV. "Why do people put this garbage on?" she growled, flipping past the newest Spongebob cross-over ("Spongebob versus Ren and Stimpy!" The only reasons she'd watch is if Spongebob got killed, but it didn't look like that was happening...)

"GAZ! WE'RE BACK!" cried Dib as the door suddenly opened. Gaz growled. "Did you even _bother_ to find out where the creep lived before leaving?"

"An Invader can find it on his own!" Zim retorted, moving toward the couch. "Move over," he commanded, dumping Gir onto the couch. She landed, bouncing a bit, on her back, still smiling stupidly in her alchohol-induced sleep.

"Is she drunk?!" Gaz asked as she caught the whiff, holding her nose and looking into Gir's open mouth as if it held the answer.

"That idiot human boy gave her Earth beer..." Zim said in a low voice, trying to keep his anger inside. "And then when we got there, her skirt was up..."

"_He didn't..._" Gaz said, in a voice similar to Zim's, as dark clouds suddenly moved to cover the once-clear night sky.

"It's all taken care of, though," Dib said quickly, trying to calm his sister's demonic rage. "I think Zim pretty much scared him out of any more rapacious flirting!"

"For his sake...I hope not..." Gaz growled, glancing at Gir and placing a hand on her head. "If Gir had been..." she trailed off, not wanting to finish that sentence.

Zim felt his anger surge up again. "I told him...he is to _never_ touch Gir again," he said. "The _thought_ of him performing...human procreation...with Gir makes me want to..." He clenched and unclenched his fists over and over again, muttering about various tortures he could exact, including some that were known only to Irkens, forbidden on all other parts of the other Universes because they were too brutal.

Gir stirred again. "Master..." she mumbled, finally opened her eyes. Zim jumped a little and looked toward her.

"Gir..." he whispered.

"My head hurts..." she groaned, sitting up, clutching her forehead. Zim quickly crossed the room to reach her on the couch...and hit her on the top of her head.

"You moron!" he cried angrily. "You total, absolute, foolish, incompetent, bumbling, ignorant _moron_!"

Gir rubbed the spot where Zim had struck her, whimpering. "Zim, what'd you do that for?" Dib cried in shock.

"Because she's stupid! Gir, why'd you even go to that place?" Zim demanded to know, placing his fists on his hips and glaring at his "slave." Gir whimpered even more.

"My head _really, really _hurts..." she moaned. Zim refused to let up.

"You could have been hurt! Or worse! Do you have any idea what beer does to your system!? Of course, Earth beer's not as strong, but still!"

_Sheesh, Zim's acting like the protective parent..._Dib thought.

"I..." Gir whispered, tears in her eyes. "I don't know why...they said they had taquitos...and I wanted you to come with me..."

Zim stood there, rigid, for a few moments longer, finally taking a deep breath and exhaling. "Whatever," he grunted. He spun on his heel and stalked out, calling "I'll be in the lab, don't bother me!"

Now it was just Dib and Gaz left with Gir. Dib shifted uncomfortably. "So...uh..." he mumbled. "We'll go home, then..." Gaz just sat there. "Gaz, aren't you coming?" Gaz shook her head.

"Nope."

Dib blinked. "But-"

"Somebody needs to hold her hair back if she pukes. And if she gets a hang-over, I'll give her something. I don't think stupid Zim knows any of it."

Dib stood in the doorway, wavering, before finally giving up. His sister looked like she would torture him if he said 'no.' "Okay...okay. I'll tell Dad you're sleeping at a friend's house," he said as he turned to go.

"Thank you, Dib!" called Gir, laying back on the couch.

Dib gave a little wave over his shoulder. "Hope you feel better, Gir!"

As the door clicked shut, Gaz stood up, removing her backpack. Apparently, she had planned this all along, as she pulled out a pillow and blanket. Gir already had some on the couch, since that was pretty much her bed, as a human. Gaz made her make-shift bed on the floor beside the couch, but not too close, placing a bucket between them. "Feelin' okay?' she asked, the tiniest note of concern in her voice. Gir was laying on her back, hair fanning around her head, staring up at the ceiling. Her face looked flushed.

"Gaz-Human," she whispered. "What's love?"

Gaz stared at her as if she weren't surprised in the slightest. "Why do you ask?"

"Please."

Gaz sighed. "Well...it's a difficult thing to explain..." Gir sent her a pleading look. "But I can try, I guess...Let's see...love is..." she looked at the ceiling, trying to come up with a suitable answer. "It's...you feel like you want this person to be happy...no...you want the best for them...or...you need to be with them...ah, sheez," she groaned at last, placing her hand over eyes. "I _really_ don't know how to explain it to you..."

Gir nodded silently, looking somewhat saddened.

"Why do you ask?"

"I think..." Gir's eyes closed as she blushed. "I think I love my Master..."

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBP**

In the lab, Zim was standing against the machine that had changed Gir to a human. It would only be a week more...but did she _have_ to change back? Surely, she could do things with her new body that would make her happier than if she were in her original body...She could feel things in her "heart" that he doubted a robot could...maybe...

Zim shook his head, trying to clear the confusing thoughts from his mind. "What am I doing?" he groaned, sliding down and sitting on the floor. He lowered his head and rested his forehead in his palms. "Oh, Gir...what are you _doing_ to me?"

**And I am back! I decided to put the author's notes at the bottom of the chapter this time becuase I kinda thought you'd all want to hurry up and get to the story. A lot of you got pretty nervous last time::laughter and a sweatdrop:: But that's a good thing, when you make your readers care for the characters so much they worry about them! Right?**

**Also, I've probably been neglecting to say this, but...no, I did not make up the song "Bumblebee." I can't make up a song to save my life if I were at gunpoint. I can't even write a decent poetry! "Bumblebee" is a song, and I believe it's a DDR one at that, performed by Bambee. You can find tons of videos to it on youtube, if you don't mind anime. (It may seem weird of me to say it, but on some Invader Zim forums I've been to, a lot of people there acted like they despised anime, and some people on Deviantart get all pissed when they see an anime-style IZ fanart. Speaking of which, 7-dark-dreams, regrettably, your fanart WILL be anime-style, as it's the only style I can actually draw, except for a passable Disney-style. And I don't think anyone wants to see a Disney-esque Zim!)**

**Also-Also, big thank-you's to everyone who informed me that wine is indeed an aquired taste. I've had sips of white wine (courtesy of my step-father) and "the good stuff," courtesy of my grandfather. After about two minutes of me spitting, gasping, coughing, and guzzling my beloved soda, he said "Now, you're just being dramatic..." Hey, I can't help it if I don't like a glass of wine with dinner and beer before bed! LOL And speaking of acquired tastes, I DO have a fondness for coconut.**

**ONE MORE THING THAT IS IMPORTANT AND RELEVANT TO THE STORY! It's going to get a bit more serious from here on out, so please, bear with it, and prepare for more sliff-hangers, perhaps several in a row. It's also going to end in a few more chapters, I believe, as long as the plot bunnies don't breed again.**


	15. Chapter 15

**AUTHOR'S NOTES IMPORTANT!!!!**

**I'm really sorry, but...I decided to quit. Really, I have way too much stuff going on right now. I have to get ready for college, I havea project to work on, I have all sorts of busy-busy school stuff to finish or else I won't have a future. Also, my dad found the files on the computer, and he forbids me to write anymore fanfiction. It was weird...I had to try and explain to him what it was, and he didn't get it. He said I was plagarizing, and that if he finds it again, I'm grounded. Sorry, but this is the last chapter...**

**PSYCH! HAHAHA! Oh, wow, did I fool ya? I was kidding...partly. I do have big things to work on. I was only lying about the dad vs. fanfic stuff (he knows OF it, he just doesn't know I wirte it. Shhh! Don't tell him), and that this was the end...LOL I'm sorry, I'm sorry...that was mean and uncalled for. Whoo...well, if you guys all still forgive me, enjoy the chapter!**

**Heh heh...wow...Oh, and since I have never gotten drunk, I may have some details on hangovers and sickness wrong. Sorry about that.**

"Gaz-Human, your services are no longer needed," Zim snapped, feeling some strange twinge in his chest. "Go home."

Gaz, still sleepy, glowered at him through her half-closed lids. "I'm not going anywhere..." she said in a deadly monotone.

Gir groaned and sat up, rubbing her eyes. "I don't feel so good..." she moaned, hand on her stomach. Zim fought the urge to touch her...see if she was alright...Gaz leaned over and held the bucket.

"Think you need this?" she asked.

Gir shuddered, laying back down on her stomach. "I...don't..." she whimpered, clsoing her eyes and moaning in pain. In a few more minutes, her moaning and twitching ceased, and her breathing evened out into the familiar pattern of one who had fallen victim to sleep. Gaz shook her head, standing up, and packing her things back into the bag. "Hey, where are you going?" asked Zim, sounding a little shocked.

"You said to leave, and I think you want to be alone..." Gaz said simply, not bothering to tell him what she knew was going on in his mind.

Zim opened his mouth to protest, to tell her to get her ass back here, but then realized...he did tell her to leave. "Well...then go!" he said, trying to sound like the great invader he supposed he was. "Go to your...things...I have absolute control of the situation!" he continued.

Gaz shook her head, leaning over Gir's form, brushing back some of her hair and removing her hat. As she palced it on the arm of teh couch, she muttered "Don't want her head to get hotter than it is already..." She opened the door to leave, snapping over her shoulder "Leave the bucket there, in case she throws up, okay?!"

Gir _did _end up vomiting into the bucket, a few hours later. Gasping for air, she pushed her hair back, which was wet with her sweat. Clutching the edge of the couch, she ducked her head and retched up the contents of her stomach once again. When it was finally over, she collapsed onto the couch again, breathing heavily. She felt someone running their hand over her head. "Are you okay?" came a soft voice.

Gir nodded her head, knowing who it was immmediately. "Master..." she whispered.

"You're still a moron," he reprimanded.

Gir bowed her head even lower, feeling somewhat ashamed. "Sorry..."  
For a moment, neither of them said anything. Gir simply lay there, breathing returning to normal, her eyes closing as she felt her master's hand running over her hair again and again. Her cheeks turned pink as she felt her face heat up. Oh Irk, it felt so _good_...

"You wanna go to Skool?" he asked, suddenly stopping and pulling his hand away. He shook it as if to relieve himself of some bug, but what he was really doing was trying to shake off that strange warmth he felt...

Gir mumbled something. It sounded negative.

"Gir, I can't stay here with you, you know..."

Silence.

"If I'm missing, the Earth-worms will suspect something...the mission will have failed..."

More silence.

"GIR!"

Now there was a slight snore. Gir was asleep...again. Zim groaned, slapping his forehead. "Damn that girl," he muttered. He made a vow to himself that he would never get sick like this if _that_ is what it did to you. Shaking his head and muttering to himself about incompetent robots who changed shape, he marched to the door and flung it open. He slammed it shut, opening it a moment later and peering inside. "COMPUTER!"

"What?"

"Watch Gir for me..." And with another door slam, he was gone.

**PBPBPBPBPBPB**

Gir awoke later that afternoon, groaning and rubbing her temples. "Owie..." she whimpered. Her stomach felt a bit better, save for being almost completely empty, but her head ached quite a bit. She closed her eyes and moaned, promising never to even so much as _smell_ a yellow drink as long as she lived. That was fine by her anyway...she much rather preferred Poop Cola over Salty Lemonade. Her stomach grumbling in protest to being neglected, she shakily got up from the couch and stumbled to the kitchen, hair all a mess.

"Taquitos..." she mumbled as she put them into the microwave, collapsing against the counter as she watched it spin around and around and around..."I love this show," she giggled, eyes closing.

She sighed, slipping down to the floor, not in the mood to smile or make jokes or do much of anything anymore...and she didn't know why. She glanced up at the calendar. ONe more week...even _she_ knew about her deadline, and that was saying something. Usually, she tried to ignore things like that.

_PING!_

She didn't get up to retrieve her food. Rather, she sighed once more and made her way down to the lab, wanting to take a look at the machine. There was a small hope, deep down in her heart, that maybe the machine was broken worse than she thought it was. And if that was the case, well, she didn't _have_ to change back anytime soon, right?

As the elevator began its descent, she stared blankly at the wall. If the machine wasn't broken, maybe _she_ could break it. But then Master would be angry with her...and that she didn't want. Maybe she could just damage it...just a _little..._

As the elevator opened its doors, she saw what a mess the lab was in. "Wow," she breathed, eyes wider than usual in amazement. Apparently, Zim had been taking out some of his previous gadgets and doing...well, who knows what. But there were a few broken parts strewn around, the innards of some machines near the larger machine that Gir recognized at once: the one that started the whole "mess." Was Master trying to fix the machine with other parts? Wow, no wonder he got so mad at times; he was spending so much time taking apart his "death machines" and using them for other purposes. This _could_ explain the reason the ginat cat robot acted like the Robo-Parents...Master must have used the same techniques. (Of course, Gir could never ask Master about this. After it had eaten half of the town, spewed it back up, and nearly took out Planet Irk with a well-placed laser beam, Master had threatened Gir with permanent dismantlement if she ever brought it up again. But oh well...at least he hadn't found the video tape yet.)

As she walked aorund, eyeing each device as it lay abandoned on the floor, she saw one she thought she recognized. She bent over to pick it up..

**PBPBPBPBPBPB**

"You left her _alone?!_" cried Dib, choking Zim. "Why'd you do that?!"

Zim tugged at the human's wrists in attempts to free himself. "She seemed fine to me," he wheezed. "Now let go, you'll contaminate me with your filth!"

"What if I don't feel like letting go, huh?" Dib asked, removing one hand from Zim's neck and rubbing it all over his face. "Haha! Look! You're diseased! Contaminated! DEEEEAAAATTHHHH!" he screamed, oblivious of everyone's stares.

"Looks like the Dib-kid's going nuts again..."

"You think he may be gay for the green kid?"  
"NEVER!" they both cried, murderous, searching the crowd for whoever said that.  
"Anyway," grunted Zim, wrestling free of Dib's clutches. "How much trouble can she get into laying on the couch all day?"

**PBPBPBPBPBPB**

Gir let out a loud cry as her body was wracked with electric shocks. Her hand tightened around the device that had once been on the ground. Once she had picked it up, she had just started to play with it, moving the little knob back and forth...and then the torture began. She continued to scream, twitching like mad as she tried to let go, but to no avail. Her cries began to intensify as she felt something invading her body...She screamed even louder as she doubled up in agony, hand to her head, trying to keep control...And then it was over.

Gir was still bent over double, gasping for air. She slowly opened her hand, letting the remote drop to the floor as she straightened up, looking around. "Hmm..." she muttered, in a voice somewhat deeper than normal. She glanced down, lip curling in disgust. "My body..." she muttered, shaking her head angrily. "It's so..._weak..._This is my moronic _'Master's'_ fault, I'm sure..." She looked up, smiling wickedly. "Well, we'll take care of that when he returns, won't we?" she said to no one in particular.

She smirked as her eyes began to glow a color they had never been since her transformation: dark red.

**Sorry for the shortness of that chapter. I promise, I'll **_**try**_** to make them longer...Also, yeesh, another song moment...I was listening to Marilyn Manson's "This Is Halloween" as I wrote last few paragraphs. Do give that a try, it's **_**such**_** a great remix.**

**Also, leave a review...or I'll hold the normal, cute, blue-eyed Gir hostage FOREVER!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Well, you all got mad at me for those notes, but hey, I deserve to be yelled at for that little stunt. ::rubs back of neck:: Ah-heh...Sorry... Also, since you guys all left me reviews and such...I guess I can't hold Blue-Eyed Gir hostage for **_**much**_** longer...::evil grin:: And you all get chocolate, because you're awesome. Here, have some! Oh, and I'm really, **_**really, **__**really **_**sorry for how short this chapter is. But I promise, it'll get longer and better. Pinky swear::holds out pinky::**

Gir walked the perimeter of the house, growing all the more angrier. Memories of what she had had to endure came flooding to her more serious, evil mind. She had been forced to bleed, she had gotten sick, she had been made a fool of countless times...she was so _weak_ in this form. She oculd do nothing to advance the mission...she was a _failure!_ Growling in anger, she tore at her flesh, as if she could reach the metal part hidden within. But of course, that was impossible. "Damn him," she hissed through clenched teeth. "And I'll bet he is _still _jeopardizing the mission...Moron." She sat down in anger, trying to think of something...she had to save the mission, but she could not do much in her own body. if she were still a SIR unit, or maybe GIR unit...she would be able to tear things apart if she wanted to. She could use the same trick she had tried last time on the library. She could...she could...she could do something _useful_, damn it!

Her eyes suddenly widened as she remembered another thing, something her weaker, stupider self had obviously missed...apparently, her "master" had developed some strange new..."feelings," she supposed they could be called. And this, she realized wiht a cruel smile, she could use to her own advantage...

**PBPBPBPBPBPB**

"If you do this again, you'll be getting a visit from the FBI!" called Dib from down the street.

Zim gritted his teeth and kept walking. Dib had followed him all the way home from Skool, and was spending the whole duration of the trip yelling at Zim for leaving a sick and hung-over Gir at the house. Zim had repeatedly told him..."She'll be fine!" But oh no, the Dib couldn't comprehend _that. _He kept on insisting that if Zim were a parent, he would be deemed highly incompetent, and maybe he should reveal Zim's identity just for that.

"Dib, you've been trying to do that since Grade Skool..." Zim muttered angrily. "Why'd you even stop?"

Dib refused to answer that. "And Gir's probably puking her _brains_ out by now, and she's brain-dead, and it's all your fault! Or if not her brains, then her intestines are hanging out her mouth and she's desperately trying to scoop them back in, and you're not there to help her, and now she's drowning in her own-"

"Good-_bye, _Dib!" shouted Zim as he quickly ran up the walk and slammed the door shut, cutting of Dib's shouts. Just for good measure, he locked the door. Sighing, he leaned against it, removing his contacts before closing his eyes. For a second, he just stood there, feeling a little queasy. Dib's words had certainly painted interesting pictures in his mind...He suddenly opened his eyes, glancing toward the couch where he had left Gir. But...she was gone...

"Gir? Gir, where'd you go?" he called out, feeling a _little_ nervous. Maybe she _was_ puking her intestines out right now...But...did he leave the room so dark? All the lights were out, and he was pretty sure he had left at least one light on... "Gir? Why are you in the dark?!" he called out to the empty room. "GIR!"

A low chuckle was his only response.

"Gir...?" Zim looked aorund. "Gir, wherever you are, come out here!"

"Master...how goes the mission?" came her voice, sounding slightly lower and raspier than normal. She suddenly looked up from her seat on the floor. Zim jumped; he hadn't seen her there in the shadows.

"Gir? What are you-" He stopped. Gir was staring at him with those blood-red eyes that had once glared so coldly at him as his "servant" had tried to kill him. Mercifully, since that day, Gir's eyes would only take on that color for a few seconds, and rarely at that. But...how was...? "Gir, are you okay?" he asked.

Gir growled under her breath as she got to her feet, glaring at him. "Well, you tell me," she hissed. "Am I doing okay? In this body?" She surged forward, gripping him by the collar. "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BODY?!" she screamed.

Zim seized Gir by the wrists and flung them away. "Gir, snap out of it!" he screamed, hoping a "Master's Command" would bring her out of it. "Your master commands you to-"

"_Master.._" spat Gir as if the word was a disgusting dish. "My Master is pathetic, and now so is this!" she creid, gesturing to her human body. She growled and took a step closer to him. "_You_ have failed our mission. _You_ are the most _stupidest_ Irken who _ever _had the misfortune to be created. _And I! Do! Not! Serve! __**YOU!"**_she screamed, punching the wall right next to Zim's head. A large dent appeared where her fist made contact with the wall.

Zim ducked out of the way, racing to the lab. Gir whirled around, eyes glowing, teeth gritted. "Get back here!" she screamed, chasing after him. _"CHANGE ME BACK!" _Before she could get any further, Zim reached the elevator and was on his way to the lab.

He stood there, leaning against the wall, breathing heavily. How did this happen? More importantly, how could it be reversed?

It was easy to solve this problem when Gir was a robot. When the remote had been created, all Zim had to do was adjust the setting and Gir was fine. Granted, he could only accomplish this thanks to the Squid-Man, and now he was dead. (Eaten by a shark...) But a human, a human was vastly different from a robot in many ways. Where Gir the robot could be brought back to normal (normal for Gir anyway) with the remote, Gir the human could not be controlled like that. And if Gir was human had gone crazy and stuff, and was _this_ angry about her new form...there was no telling what she would do.

The elevator opened to the lab, Zim hurtling out. He had to find something that would snap Gir out of this. Zim glanced around the room quickly, hoping to find something useful."Oh, _curse_ you, Mess!" he cried, kicking a piece of metal out of the way. He didn't have much time to look...Gir couldn't tear walls apart or anything, but still! And he...Zim swallowed hard as he thought this...He didn't want to hurt Gir too badly. She was a weak human, and they were easily broken.

"GRRAAAAH!" screamed Gir as the elevator opened again, revealing a very agitated-looking Gir. Her hands were balled into fists, her eyes were wide in her anger, and she was panting heavily. "ZIM!" she screamed, actually using his name, rather than his title.

Zim backed up, holding a piece of metal behind his back. "Gir...do not call me that," he said, trying to keep his voice steady, trying to sound calmer than he actually was. He gripped the scrap-metal even tighter. He didn't want to use it, but if he had to... "I'm your master! You will not talk to me like-"

"You are no Master..." she growled, moving forward. "I said it before, and I will say it again. Your methods, progress, and intelligence...they're all _stupid._ And your new 'feelings...' they've made you even _stupider_."

"Gir, you're delirious!" Zim shouted, even though he had felt a strange twinge when Gir had mentioned felings. "You don't know what you're-"

"Master!" cried Gir, suddenly looking vulnerable again. She brought her hands to her chest and clasped them together, eyes wide and fearful. Tears began to flow from her eyes and down her cheeks. "Master, please don't hurt me!' she sobbed.

Zim froze. Gir was...crying? Was she...? His grip on the metal slowly lessened, until he released it entirely, dropping it to the ground. "Gir?"

Gir was sobbing quietly again. "Master hates me...?" she whimpered. "Does Master want to hurt me?"

Zim slowly began to shake his head, eyes wide. "Gir..."

The facade was dropped immediately, Gir laughing hysterically again, hands on her belly. "See? You see?! It's like that!" She opened her eyes, grinning maliciously at Zim. _"You're_ weaker too...a _real_ Invader would never be affected by this," she said, indicating her body once again. Her masochistic expression once again became hard with anger and hatred. _This_..." she hissed. "This _weak, pathetic _form..."

Zim growled soflty, cursing this Gir. This was definitely not the Gir that he knew...no way in hell. He quickly bent down to pick up the piece of scrap metal again, and threw it at Gir's head.

Gir's eyes widened in shock for a split-second before she ducked out of the way, But she wasn't fast enough...the metal hit her on the cheek, its jagged edge leaving a scratch on her cheek. She growled and pressed a hand to the wound, her fingertips coming away red. _"Zim...you will _pay_ for that..._" she hissed.

Zim glared at activated his spider-legs, moving up to the ceiling. "Come and get me then, Gir!" he shouted down to her, smirking as she tried to find a way up.

"Damn you!" she screamed, whirling around in a circle before glowering at him, her teeth looking very much like fangs. "Damn it, damn it, _damn it!"_ she screamed, stomping her feet. Like this, she looked more like a tiny child throwing a tantrum than a girl who could actually murder someone...This image was shattered as she moved toward one of the larger machines and began to climb, her breathing labored, hands slipping off the surface.

Zim realized as she was climbing...she was _human. _And if a human slipped and fell from that height...He suddenly had an image of Gir laying in a pool of blood, eyes opened wide, neck snapped...and he moved forward. "Gir! Get down from there!" he screamed, temporarily forgetting about her new state.

Gir screamed as Zim tackled her and they fell to the floor, Zim taking most of the impact of the fall. Gir took their postion to her advantage, and sat on his stomach, hands on his shoulders in a death-grip...hopefully, that wasn't _too literal..._

Zim cried out, gripping her shoulders to try and push her off of him. Gir moved her face right in his. _"Zim...'Master...' you are most pathetic,"_ she hissed. "Even more so than _I _now am!" She shook his shoulders, his head hitting the floor.

Zim glared up at her. "Knock this off!" he cried. "I command you stop this!"

"What have I told you? I am no longer your servant!" she screamed at him. "If need be, I shall complete this mission _myself, _without you!" She smiled again, looking truly insane. "Actually, if you want to know the truth, that was my plan from the very beginning," she laughed.

As she laughed, she lifted her head, looking up at the ceiling. Zim turned his own head to the side, trying to find something that owuld stop this. his eyes widened when he glimped the abandoned remote with the familiar dial on it. A few frayed wires were sticking out...electric shock! And the dial was twisted all the way to the most dangerous setting, so maybe... His fingers inched toward it, finally closing around the remote and drawing it closer. Gir, still looking upward, didn't notice a thing.

"Zim is useless...Zim is stupid...the stupid enemy..." she laughed quietly, returning her gaze to his. "I can't do much to you in this form, but I can..." As she said these word, her hands moved from Zim's shoulders to his neck, squeezing painfully. Zim cried out as he was being deprived of air. "Yes, yes, this will work...Hee...heh-heh-heh...hee..." Gir started to giggle.

Zim gasped for breath, staring at Gir with wide eyes. _Gir..._ He didn't want this to happen...not to himself, not to Gir. This wasn't even the _real_ Gir, this was some...some sick twisted version of what a SIR uint was supposed to be...His hand twitched as he struggled to turn the knob back to its lower setting, his vision started to swim. Gir kept on laughing above him, tightening her grip. "Yeah, this form is okay for _this_," she hissed, clearly enjoying her task. "I don't think I'd get such a rush from this as a robot...this form does have _some_ benefits," she laughed.

Zim gasped as his fading vision now began to grow black...he couldn't breathe...he was going to die...but...As quickly as he could in his weaker state, he suddenly whipped his arm out and brought it around hard. The remote smacked Gir on the temple, stunning her enough so that she removed her hands. Zim inhaled a deep breath and moved his arm to hit her agian, harder this time. Once more, the remote hit her temple, but now there was a loud, sick _CRACK!_ and Gir let out a huge scream as, once again, her body was wracked with electric shocks. She stiffened up, hands in front of her, eyes wide open, back arching. Zim backed out from under her, watching her, making sure she would return to normal. It was torture to watch...she was in so much pain, screaming at the top of her voice, and at one point, she managed to actually say something through the screams. _"M-M-Mas...teeeeeerrr! H-HEL-!" _

Her cries finally faded, eyes returning to their normal blue color before they closed. Gir's body swayed until she hit the ground, breathing heavily. She looked as if she were asleep...

Zim panted as he stared at her body, dropping the remote. "I've...gotta...destroy this thing...along with the Dib..." he panted, collapsing himself, suddenly feeling very tired.

**PBPBPBPBPBPB**

Zim awoke a few hours later, opening his eyes with a groan. He eyed the remote, still gripped in his hand, and smiled weakly. "Maybe I'll just destroy this dumb thing now..." he groaned. He slowly sat up, rubbing his neck and wincing. No permanent damage, but that had _hurt_. "Gir, you okay?" he whispered, looking over to her.

She hadn't yet awakened. Zim crawled over to her, shaking her shoulder. "Hey, Gir...wake up."

No answer.

"GIR!" He shook her again, harder this itme.

Nothing.

Zim kept on shaking her and screaming her name, trying everything: threats, commands, bribes, even pleading with her at one point. "Gir! Gir, come on, wake up! You've _got_ to wake up! Gir! You want to fail in our mission!? _**GIR!"**_

But it was no use...Gir would not wake up.

**The only thing I have to say now is I'll try and have that fanart that was requested posted by the next chapter. Now if you'll excuse me...::dons funeral attire::**


	17. Chapter 17

**I have finished the fan-art that 7-dark-dreams requested! Please see previous chapters for "disclaimers" on it. It's over here, at**

**http:// lady-moth . deviantart. com/ art/ Gir- from -Wrong- Pronoun -77473455**

"Master!" cried Gir cheerfully, poking her head around the corner.

Zim jumped from where he was sitting. "Gir! Don't ever-Wait," he said, frowning. "You were...you were just..." Unable to finish his sentence, he gestured to the floor, where she had been laying. "You were..." he whispered,expressionless.

Gir smiled and bounded over to him, flinging her arms around his neck. "Nope! I'm okay, Master! I was just sleeping!"

"Sleeping...?" Zim echoed, feeling numb but relieved.

Gir nodded, blushing cutely. "Were you scared?" she asked.

Zim said nothing, only stared blankly at the wall in front of him. "Gir?"

She smiled, even though he couldn't see, and rubbed her sheek against his. "Mmm...I love you, Master!"

Zim's fingers twitched, and he slowly lifted his arms. "Gir..." he whispered, wrapping his arms around her waist. But then...

Zim awoke with a start. "A dream?" he said quietly. "I fell asleep?" Irkens didn't sleep...Then his expression turned thunderous. "CURSE YOU, DREAM! CURSE YOU TO ALL HECK-OR-WHATEVER-WORM-HUMANS-CALL-IT!" he screamed, kicking the wall. Then he hopped up and down, grabbing his injured foot. "And curse the wall!" he cried. Then he stopped, sighing. "Damn it..." he muttered, hands covering his face.

Zim glanced to the couch, where Gir lay, still unmoving.

_Zim had spent a good ten minutes trying to get Gir to wake up. But every time he tried, there was no response. His shouts fell to deaf ears, and when he resorted to shaking her, her head simply flopped around lifelessly. "Gir! I _order_ you to awaken!" he screamed, shaking her harder for emphasis._

_No answer...again._

_Zim slowly eased his grip on her shoulders, letting her drop heavily to the floor. She made a small noise, but other than that, she showed no sign of having acknowledged the pain. it was as if she was a life-sized, floppy doll. Desperately willing his heart to slow down, he stared at her...She looked like she could be sleeping deeply, or..._

_...Maybe she was dead._

_No! No, no, no! Zim shook the thought off of him, and moved closer to her, watching her carefully for any signs of life._

_There! Right there! Zim's eyes widened as he watched Gir's chest move up and down with each intake and exhaling of breath. She was okay. She was still alive...but...why wasn't she moving? Why hadn't she woken up?_

_"GIR!" he cried again, shaking her harder, and slapping her face._

_Nothing happened. _

_"Gir...?"_

There was _still_ no change. Zim didn't understand it. Humans didn't sleep this long, did they? He stared at her again, watching as she twitched slightly, as if she had been zapped by a sudden bit of static electricity. But she didn't get up. Why?

"Why?" he asked out loud. "This makes no sense..."

But at least she wouldn't starve to death while she slept. Zim had quickly contructed a machine that the Earth-Pigs used in their "hospitals." (He had to do a lot of research to figure out some parts of how it worked, like where exactly that needle went...) The machine stood at the end of the couch where Gir's head rested, and the long tube snaked into her arm. It was like she was eating, but in her sleep. And since Gir didn't seem to have any trouble breathing, Zim didn't need to wory about making a second machine...

How long was this going to last, anyway? Zim sighed and sat down on the arm of the couch, looking down at Gir's sleeping face. Strange. She looked so peaceful. Zim'e eyes widened as he relalized that this was exactly what relatives of the deceased said at the wake. _No! No, no, no! _Zim shook his head frantically, trying to clear out those thoughts. Gir was _not _dead! She was going to get up, any second now!

Any second...

"Gir?" Zim whispered, one hand moving to her forehead. He gently pushed a few strands of hair out of her face, noting her unresponsiveness. "When are you going to get up?" he asked out loud, as if she could answer him. "Remember the mission? That's why you have to get up, Gir...You have to wake up so we can get ready for the invasion, and-" He sighed, not wanting to go on any longer. Who was he kidding? He didn't want Gir to wake up just for the sake of the invasion. But...why _did_ he want her to wake up, anyway? Such a thing was a mystery even to the great Irken Invader.

And the Tallest couldn't help at all.

_"My Tallest! My Tallest! You've got to do something!" Zim cried, eyes wide at the screen. Tallests Red and Purple only stared back, looking thoroughly bored._

_Red groaned and rubbed his temples. "What is it _now_, Zim?"_

_"Well, Gir's not changed back yet-"_

_"You're _still_ insisting that your robot's a...whatchamacallit?" Purple asked._

_"A human."_

_"Ah."_

_"Gir's still a human, and she's _dead_ but _alive_, or something!" Zim continued, waving his arms. "You've got to help me!"  
"Because...?" Red asked, making a circular motion with his hand._

_"Because...ah, she's important to the mission?" ZIm asked hopefully._

_"Zim, your robot was one of a kind," Purple said, improvising on the spot. "Therefore, it can't be fixed." Truthfully, they both lacked the knowledge _to_ fix her (since Gir was merely a "Garbage Robot." And they had recently gotten rid of their garbage, having found a planet that would make a perfect dump.) and, frankly, the care to. "You'll have to fix it on your own."_

_"But My Tallest-"_

_"Now do us all a favor, and _stop calling us._" Red terminated the connection, leaving Zim staring at the blank screen in disbelief._

"Mmph..." Gir mumbled in her sleep, and her eyes squinted shut for a moment. "Mm..."

Zim stared, hopeful, until Gir relaxed once again, making another small noise. Zim hung his head. "Of course..." he grumbled. This was stupid! Gir should wake up. "Yo really should, okay?" he growled, trying to cover up the strange ache he felt. What was _wrong_ with him? Nobody else went through this with their robot, he was damned sure of that!

And was this a recent development, he mused, or did he _always_ feel something for Gir? Maybe he hadn't felt what he did now, but there was definitely something. If there wasn't then Gir would have met a very messy fate the day they came to Earth. After all, there was only _so_ long one can withstand the "Doom Song."

"Damn," he muttered. He gave Gir one final look, momentarily stroking her hair, and got up to go to the lab. He had a _lot_ lof research to do.

**PBPBPBPBP**

Gir's eyes squinted again before relaxing, and she groaned in her sleep.

_"It looks...bad."_

_Huh? Who is that? Who are you?_

_"Well, that's what the enemy will think. Get it?"_

_"Oh, yes! Very good!"_

_That voice...I like it! You sound nice! _

_I want to meet you._

_"I am honored..." Gir couldn't quite hear the rest of this. But she could hear muffled laughing._

_"Mmph!" she cried, sitting upright. And the first thing she saw was her new Master. Well, her _only_ and _first_ Master, but still! "Gir!" she announced, in that serious tone that she herself didn't particurlary like. "Reporting for duty."_

_"Gir?" Master loked at her strangely. "What does the 'G' stand for?"_

_I don't have a name? "I don't know..." She stared at him for a breif moment before giggling and hitting her head, doing a little cheer. This master looked like he could be a lot of fun!_

_"Is it supposed to be stupid?"_

_"It's not stupid, it's advaaaanced," the big guys assured Master._

_Gir kept on laughing. This was going to be so much fun! She knew she was going to have amission, because all the other robots did, and she got such a cool Master! "Master, I'll do good, I promise!" she laughed, launching herself at him, wrapping her arms around his head._

_Her Master let out a cry and tried to pull her off. "Get off of me!"_

_"But I like you!"_

_"I will _never_ like you if you don't _get off my head!"_ he roared. The others in the room seemed to be enjoying the show very much indeed._

_"D'aaaw..." Gir groaned, letting go. "Do you like me now?" she asked, smiling and widening her eyes. _

_"Eh."_

_"EEEEEEEEEE!" screamed Gir. Zim covered his ears._

**Sorry for the short length. Busy-busy, as usual. Especially since I got a letter saying, basically, if I don't get my lazy arse to work, I can't graduate. So yeah. But it's almost time for the deadlines, and I'm almost finished with important graduation work, so maybe chapters will be longer. I'm planning on it, anyway.**

**See you later!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Almost...finished with...grad project...::falls over in a slump:: UNFORTUNATELY, my idiot brother messed up our computer, so I can't work at home! Damn...**

**But hey, at least this program works.**

"Why isn't Gir here today?" Dib demanded, standing right in front of Zim's desk. The aforementioned alien only rolled his eyes upward to stare at Dib. He slumped forward in his chair, his head on his desk, and he was looking thoroughly exhausted. And, miraculously, he didn't even respond to Dib's accusatory tone. instead, her merely closed his eyes and grunted "Eh."

"Oh my God, you _killed_ her, didn't you?" Dib cried, seizing Zim by the shirt and shaking him until his teeth chattered. "_You killed an innocent girl! You horrible monster-"_

"I did nothing of the sort!" snapped Zim, slapping Dib's filthy human-hands away. "As much as I wanted to." It was true, there were several times that night where Zim was so frustrated that he wanted to just murder the girl. But then, she would _never_ wake up...

"You _wanted_ to kill her? What did she do to deserve it?" Dib demanded.

Zim only gritted his teeth. "It is none of your business..." he growled. "I can handle it," he added, more to reassure himself than Dib.

Dib suddenly shoved his face near Zim's causing the Irken Invader to lean back, eyes wide, lip curling. "What happened to Gir? What happened to Gir? What happened to Gir? What happened to Gir? I'm not going to stop asking until you tell me. What happened to Gir? What happened to-"

_"SHE'S HALF-DEAD!" _Zim screamed, attracting the attention of everyone in the class. Both human and alien became uncomfortably aware of the stares they were receiving, until Dib finally cracked a nervous smile.

"Heh-heh...well, you get a potion for that. See the necromancer witch, and she'll revive your companion..." he blathered. The other kids shook their heads and turned away, one of them muttering "Gamers," quite audibly.

_"What do you mean she's half-dead?!" _Dib hissed, leaning down again. "What happened to her?"

Zim shook his head, not looking at Dib. "She's hit herself," he said, deciding to leave out the fact that _he_ had struck her. Struck her and then electrocuted her. "She's asleep..."

"But...if she fell asleep then why is she-" Dib paused, eyes widening. "Zim," he asked, "Did you do something to her? I mean, you didn't hit her hard enough to put her in a coma, did you?" He suddenly gasped. "Did you hit her on the temple?!" he demanded, pointing to the spot on the side of his head. "Because if you're hit there hard enough, you die!" he added, voice rising in pitch.

"I did _not_ know that," Zim whispered, his own eyes widening. But then he relaxed, somewhat. "Oh, but she's alive. She's breathing and everything..."

There was a pause for a few minutes. Finally, Dib whispered furiously. "I'm coming to your house tonight."

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

Zim walked by himself, alone. That didn't feel quite right. Gir should be walking next to him, as usual, and babbling on and on like the maniac that she was...

No...why did it feel disconcerting to not have Gir at his side? She had only been going to school with him for a little over three weeks. Maybe because she was with him almost constantly when he was out of Skool?

Maybe she was awake right now...Yeah, that was it! Zim walked faster. Gir was probably awake now, and jumping aorund all over the room. That's what happens when a prent keeps their human worm-smeets indoors when they get sick, and then better. They start being bored, and breaking things!

Zim walked even faster. Maybe Gir was breaking the stuff in his lab...that would be terrible. He had to get home quickly before Gir did anything irreparable, like make the house sprout legs and then break the legs. Or bust a hole in the walls of the house, invited the neighbors in, and have tea with them. She was going to blow their hard-earned cover!

Zim threw open the door. "Gir!" he shouted. "What have I told you about-" He stopped suddenly, seeing Gir...laying on the couch where he had left her. She was still asleep. She hadn't moved at all...

The door closed as Zim walked slowly inside, not noticing the lack of light in the room. The darkness cast shadows over Gir's face, making her look like something out of an illustration accompanying some poet's work. Some guy who wrote poems about ravens and stories of pendulums, Zim didn't know much about it...

She swallowed a little in her sleep, her closed eyes squinting for a split-second. That was the only movement she made, besides the rythmic rise and fall of her chest. She was so still...It was as if all the hyperactivity, all the craziness, the stupid jokes and dumb statements, all the things that made her "Gir" were gone. And with them, she was gone too.

Zim recalled the lyrics to a song he had over heard on a human's blasting music system. _**I become so numb...I can't feel you there...**_It was true. Gir wasn't here anymore. She was gone.

The computer cleared his "throat" in attempt to catch Zim's attention.

"Yes?" Zim growled, not taking his eyes off Gir's face.

"Master...Gir mumbled a little in her sleep while you were gone."

"A mumble?" Zim's hopes rose a milimeter. "What did she say?"

The computer was silent. "I...don't know. It was just a little mumble-"

**"You're useless!" **Zim roared, forcing the computer to fall silent. Gir's eyes twitched again.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPB**

_"You're useless!"_

_Gir started, looking around the dark. "Hello? Master?" she called out. She was sitting on her knees, her hands on the floor, supporting her weight. "Master?"_

_"You're usless," came a new, but familiar, voice. Gir blinked and looked in front of her, seeing her red-eyed double appear. "Really," she spat. "The most useless creature I've ever seen."_

_"Why?" Gir whispered. "Why am I useless? I try my best-"_

_"_Your _best is worse than an Irken's worst. Worse than a _human's _worst," her double growled at her. "At least you haven't blown up any planets...yet," she added. Then she chuckled darkly to herself. "You know, maybe you _should_ wake up, and blow up the whole base. I'm sure then the stupid Irken will be caught in it. Yes, that'd be just perfect," she purred, licking her lips at the thought._

_Gir covered her ears and shook her head. "N-No way!" she shrieked. "I'm not waking up!"_

_"Have it oyur way, then," her serious counter-part shrugged, disappearing into the darkness. "Don't wake up. Stay asleep forever."_

_GIr swallowed back her tears and sat on her bottom, knees pulled up to her chest. She shouldn't wake up. If she woke up, she'd be dangerous, right? And as long as she slept, her other self couldn't come out. So yes, yes it was best to sleep the rest of her life away. Just sleep._

_"Gir..." she heard her master's voice._

_She huddled into a tighter ball. No way was she waking up..._

**I become so numb**

**I can't feel you there**

**Become so tired**

**So much more awake**

**I become a mess**

**All I want to do**

**Is be more like me and less like you**

**I become so numb**

**I can't feel you there...**


	19. Chapter 19

**Day 2, Night**

Dib stared down at the comatose Gir, his eyes wide in shock. "She's really…" he breathed. A hand went to touch her cheek; Zim felt a pang of jealousy. "It's almost like she's dead," he whispered. "Creepy." His hand brushed aside her bangs, and Gir made small noise in her sleep. Dib gasped softly, hopefully.

"Don't get your hopes up, Dib-worm," growled Zim, hands clenching into fists. "She's been doing that for awhile. Nothing ever happens beyond that."

"She makes noise," Dib reasoned. "So she _should_ wake up soon!"

Zim didn't answer him.

...

_"…wake up soon!"_

_I don't want to…_

_…_

_Gir leapt onto her master's head, covered in grease, making her master cry out in frustration and disgust. "I like you too!" she cried, rubbing against him._

_"GIR, get off of me! You're horrible!" Zim screamed, running around the room. Gir refused to release him, only clinging tighter. Like it or not, he was her master, and she liked him. Zim never seemed to feel that way, but…_

At least he's not killing me! That's a plus! _she thought, squeezing him tighter. "Master...!" she cried in happiness._

_..._

Dib withdrew his hand and moved it to her wrist. "Her pulse seems normal, at least. And you got her some sort of IV," he said, tapping the machine with his knuckle.

"Is that what they're called?" muttered Zim, shoving Dib away. "Do _you _know how to get someone to snap out of this?" he asked. He knew he was desperate now...asking a human for help!

Dib only sighed, scratching his head. "No. There are a lot of things we don't know yet, like how to get people out of comas. So far, the best we can do is wait for them to come out of it on their own."

Zim growled threateningly. "You humans are _useless and pathetic," _he spat. "If something like this happened back home, then we'd have found out wy and how to cure it the second it happened!"

**Day 3**

_"Master…do you like me?" Gir asked one day, laying her back, momentarily distracted from the T.V. Zim grunted. Gir pressed on. "Does Master like me? Am I useful to the mission?"_

_"Yes, yes," Zim groaned, waving his hand toward her to shut her up. "You're useful…now be _quiet."

_"How useful am I?" Gir asked, smiling expectantly._

_"Average."_

_Gir accepted this…for now. She returned to her program, but kept shifting her eyes over to her master, seeing him slumped on the couch next to her. Sensing he was being watched, Zim glanced over to his robot "slave," but Gir looked away quickly._

_I don't wanna wake up…waking up is bad…_

…

…

Zim hunched over a screen, frantically typing away. Various internet sites scrolled on and off the screen, but Zim found nothing that would be of use to him. "Coma, coma, coma…" he muttered.Nothing more than he already knew; all of the sites said the exact same things…

How a coma could be induced by sickness or an accident, how it was necessary to the patient's life to keep them stable…

And how long some of them slept, some of them never waking up. Zim couldn't let that happen…

He glanced over to the couch again, seeing Gir lay there, so still. He stared on for a few moments longer before returning to the screen. He wouldn't let her sleep forever…

**Day 4**

Gaz shook Zim by his throat. "_You_ did this?" she hissed, teetering dangerously over the edge of murderous rage. "Bring her back, stupid Zim!"

Zim tried to free himself. "You think I'm not _trying?_ And why did the Dib bring you here anyway?" He shot a glare to Dib, over by Gir's couch.

He was staring at Gir's peaceful-looking face, absently stroking her hair. Her hat lay abandoned on the floor, not touching her head since she had turned to her more serious counter-part. "She's still…?" he asked.

"Are you blind as well as stupid?" Zim growled, finally wrenching himself free of the younger girl's grip. She cast a death glare at his retreating back, as Zim walked to the couch. He pushed Dib's hand away. "And quit touching her! You'll contaminate her worse than she is!"

"Contaminate?" Dib asked incredulously. "Contaminate? How so?!"

"You'll put more disgusting human-ness on her!" Zim cried. In truth, this wasn't the reason why he had stopped Dib. But he couldn't tell him that. "And her being a weak human-sack is bad enough as it is-"

"Oh, so _that's_ how it is?!" Dib cried, furious. "Well, how about this: we'll turn her back, and remove her brain or whatever they run on, and then she won't have to bug you again. How's that?"  
An extreme rarity with Dib, Zim was speechless. "That's-"

"Forget it," Dib muttered, walking away and slamming the door behind him. Gaz cast a murderous glare at Zim, mouthing "If she doesn't wake up, I will send you to the nightmare world from which there is no escape." And then she was gone as well, leaving Zim alone with the comatose robot-turned human girl.

Zim breathed heavily for a little bit, glancing at Gir. Then he turned and ran to the computer again. He needed to more research.

…

"_Master, I want the moon…"_

"_When I take over the Earth, I'll bring it down for you."_

"_You promise!? Really?"_

"_Yes, yes, I promise. Now back off and let me finish this!"_

"_What is it?"_

"_A radioactive gopher."_

…

**Day 5**

Zim stared in horror at the webpage before him now. He had gotten a little more information, but these were all based on stupid human myths and stories, and a few things that the humans called "World Records." Apparently you could get an award if you were in a coma long enough…

But that wasn't what made him freeze like this.

"_Sleeping Beauty, aka Briar Rose, was in a deep enchanted sleep, possibly a fairytale counterpart to a coma. The only way to awaken her was through love's first kiss."_

And Zim had discovered what humans called a "kiss" through film and television…and a very weird late-night program that made Zim feel physically ill.

But…no way! He couldn't!

Zim shuddered at the thought, his face turning warm as he clicked the "Back" button. But still…he glanced over at Gir. _Maybe it would work…No way! _He suddenly shook his head. _That's not going to work at all! _He rested his forehead on his hand, eyes wide open. _I've been here on Earth too long...I'm losing my sanity..._

_..._

But then again...he glanced to Gir again. Whatever worked was fine with him..._But not that! _he mentally screamed at himself. _Back to work! _And he turned back around to the computer. "The sooner Gir wakes up from this," he muttered to himself. "The sooner we can continue our mission."

...

_"Don't forget the mission, Gir," Zim was saying to her, an index finger held in the air._

_Gir saluted, eyes briefly turning red. "Yes, my lord!" she intoned. As she lowered her hand, her eyes turned back to their usual blue color. "My job is to keep the Dib from finding anything out, right?"_

_"That's right!" Zim said, smrking triumphantly. "If you do this right, you'll have the moon in a few hours' time!"_

_"Yaaaay!" Gir screamed, leaping into the air and racing off._

_...That wasn't really happening. Gir, in her human form, sat in front of a large screen in the middle of pure darkness. Having already gone through her memories, replaying her favorites several times, she was content to sit here and dream. She smiled, eyes closing. "Whoever came up with dreams was pretty smart," she said. "Smarter than penguins in the tropics!"_

_Her laugh was half-hearted as she picked up a remote at her side and aimed it at the the screen, rewinding to go to another memory of hers. This was boring, but...it was much better than the alternative._

**Day 6**

"You know that's not going to work," Dib deadpanned when he saw a computer print-out. Zim sat at the somputer, head in his hands. He hadn't moved from that spot all night, and he felt that surely he was losing his sanity. _I'm asking the Dib-worm to help me, for crying out loud! Granted, he's been hanging around me for some time now, but still...Ah, at least I can think of it as his helping me toward his own demise..._

"I don't see why not," Zim muttered. "All I do is take some hot coals or soemthing, throw them on her, and the shock will wake her up."

_"No,"_ Dib clarified. "It'd _kill_ her!" He threw down the papers. "Where did you even _find _that?!"

"Urbanlegendsformorons dot com," Zim growled.

"That's a stupid web site," Dib sighed, taking off his glasses and rubbing them. It was true. Even the newly-initiated of the Swollen Eyeball Network knew not to go to that particular site. "It's just run by some forty-year-old fat guy with nothing better to do than trick people."

"Well, I don't see _you_ with any ideas!" growled Zim, glaring daggers at the human boy. "I have to try _something_, damnit..."

Gir made another slight noise, that sounded like a small, soft snore. It was ignored. She had been making these sounds for the entire time she was asleep, and Zim had stopped jumping up to look every time she had done it.

Dib was staring at Zim with a scrutinizing gaze. It was making him nervous. Finally, he glanced up, growling out "What?"

"You're not upset because of the mission, are you?" Dib asked.

"What are you _talking _about?!" Zim cried.

Dib refused to answer, only looked over his shoulder to Gir's couch, where she continued to lay motionless. Her hat had been replaced, simply because she didn't look whole without it. "You know, we do know _one thing_," Dib was saying. "About these comas...Sometimes, it's like they can _hear us_, even if they don't respond..." Zim didn't answer. Dib continued. "Some people who woke up swear they could hear their family, and others think tha tmaybe because the family spoke to them, the perosn was inspired to wake up."

Zim only sat there.

Dib shrugged. "Just think about it. We want you to wake up, okay, Gir?" he called to her.

Gir didn't move.

**Day 7**

Gir lay on the couch, still. Zim was on his knees, his forehead resting on her stomach, covered up with a blanket. Various printouts littered the floor around him, some crumpled up into balls and thrown in the corner, some duplicates of previously printed pages. Each and every one of them had offered him nothing. The computer was still on. Its harsh blue light was the only source of light in the room that night...Zim's hands clenched into fists, gripping the blanket. "Gir..."

_**Just think about it...**_

He opened his red eyes, moving his head to stare at her face. It seemed so _stupid..._And yet..."Gir..."

_..._

_"Gir..."_

_"Huh?" Gir glanced up, blinking her eyes. "Who's that?"_

_"Gir, can you hear me?...No, I guess not..."_

_"Master?" Gir got to her feet and tilted her head upward, one hand going over her eyes, as if she was shielding them from the glare of bright sunlight. "Is that you up there? What are you doing way up there?"_

_There was a pause, and Gir began to think she had only imagined the voice._

Zim stared. As he had begun to talk, Gir's hand had twitched. "Gir," he said again. "Listen to me..."

_"Listen to me...I want you to snap out of this. I want you to wake up, to come back to me..."_

_Gir shook her head. "But..."  
"Gir, I'm your master, and I am _ordering _you to awaken, do you hear me?! Answer your master!"_

_She smiled, despite the dire situation at hand. Yup, that was Master all right. _

Gir's lips twitched into a smile for a split-second. Zim, busy with his experiment, didn't catch it.

_"What happened was a fluke, is all. I need you to wake up, right now. Remember the mission?!...Damnit, Gir...just...I want you to come back..."_

...Zim inhaled a shaky breath, remembering the printout of legends and stories..._If this doesn't work, at least no one will have seen..._ He closed his eyes and quickly bent down over Gir's face, briefly touching his lips to the corner of her mouth.

...

_Gir felt something on the corner of her mouth. A hand flew to it as her eyes widened in amazement. "Wha...?"_

_..._

Zim straightened up quickly, face burning. Why had he done that? He stared at her again. Nothing..._Damn it all..._

But then...Gir made a noise, a little louder than the ones she had made before. "Mmph..." she groaned, her eyes squinting, mouth twisting. Zim's eyes widened and he leaned forward, holding his breath.

"Ah..." And her eyes opened a crack. "Master?"

"Hey, Gir," Zim murmured, relief surging through his whole being. "Feeling better?" he asked as he removed the needle in her arm.

Gir winced from the slight pain, then smiled weakly. "Uh-huh..." And she felt the couch sink slightly as Zim rested his head on it, a little away from her form. "Master?" she asked, blinking, eyes wide.

Zim sighed. "I've had a...hard time with you..." he breathed, eyes closing as he fell asleep.

Gir sat up, cocking her head. "Master?" she whispered. "You sleepy?"

Her only response was a slight snore. She giggled quietly. "Wow, he's _tired!_"she marvelled.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBP**

Gir stood in the lab now, staring at the egg-shaped machine that had caused all of this. This whole adventure...it was all because of a smiple order from the Cat-O-Log...or whatever it was called. She took a step closer and peered inside. It was nice being a human, but...Gir smiled sadly. It was a lot harder to snap her out of "Serious Mode" when she wasn't in her robotic form. She inhaled a deep breath and hit the button, quickly stepping inside.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBP**

Zim heard a faint, _very faint_, click and opened his eyes. "Huh? Gir?" He looked up. Gir was gone, the blanket thrown aside. "Gir?" Somehow...he knew where she was...

And sure enough, a few minutes later he was racing into the lab. "Gir! Where are you?!" he shouted, glancing around.

A muffled squeak was his only response. It had come from the egg-shaped machine from a month ago...or, more precisely, what was _in_ the machine. Gir, returned to her original form, sat inside, staring up at him with wide eyes. "Hey, Master!" she chirped, trying to sound cheerfuly, but doing her damndest to hold back her tears.

Zim stared at her for the longest time, finally sighing and getting down on his knees. He wordlessly opened his arms and Gir leapt into them, burying her face in his shoulder, letting out shrieking cries. They sat like that for a little while, Zim not saying a word. "Gir," he said at last, after about ten minutes had passed. "You...going into your serious mode...you know that was a fluke, right?"

Her cries slowed.

"It was the remote, that's all. And it'll be destroyed...real soon."

Gir didn't say anything.

"..."

"..."

"Do you want to...?"

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBP**

"My Tallest, a package from Earth has arrived," an Irken underling reported. Behind him, there was a large box, about the size of the Tallests themselves.

Red stared at it as he moved closer. "Well...what's in it?"

The underlings tore open the box to reveal..."It's like a metal egg..." one muttered, cocking his head.

"I dare someone to get in that," another said.

Wordlessly, Purple shoved someone in and shut the door.

"What was _that_ for?!" someone else shouted in horror. The machine had begun to glow.

"You do not risk the life of your Tallests!" both of them cried.

And smoke began to pour from the cracks.

**PBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBPBP**

Zim let out an evil chuckle as he cracked his knuckles, leaning back. "I wonder how everyone on Irk is enjoying their little gift," he mused aloud.

A newly-human Gir stood behind him, arms around his neck. "When can we call them? When can we call them?!" she chanted.

"How about now?" Zim cackled as he stood up and walked toward the lab. "And after _that_, we can get to work on our mission again!"

"Yay!" Gir followed close behind, taking his hand in hers. "What are we gonna work on?!"

"Well, I was thinking we could go back to that racioactive gopher experiment," Zim answered, squeezing her hand.

_Fin_

**Go to my Deviantart page, everyone. There's a new picture up as a companion to this!**


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